A Year Ago Today

A year ago today I stood at the edge of an overpass.

Looking down at the water thrusting several feet below.

Imagining what it would feel like to become one with its waves and allow the soothing rhythmic crashing to envelope me.

A year ago today, I was on the ledge.

The edge of hope, edge of drive, edge of passion, edge of despair.

I went everywhere and yet I felt like I was nowhere.

No one to coddle me and tell me everything would be alright, so I held it inside until I couldn’t anymore.

So I stood there, peering down trying to visualize the oceans floor.

Wondering if I’d allow myself to give in or fight for my existence.

I stood there for 20 minutes.

Thoughts wrestling as to whether or not these waters could heal my pain.

Toying with the idea of free falling into the abyss of deep blue.

I wanted to give in, I wanted to give up -

I was tired of keeping up appearances and going about these daily experiences with a longing that nothing in this earth had yet fulfilled.

A year ago today my heart ached as I came face to face with what could have been the end of me.

Drifting off at sea I wanted to feel nothing, to be completely empty.

My soul an acquaintance of the creatures of the sea.

A year ago today I wanted to be free, free from agony, heartache, relentless yearning for someone to care.

Someone to rescue me, deliver me from my own thoughts and fears.

But no one came.

20 minutes.

A year ago today.

Everything could have changed.