A True Friend And You Don't Know It

Dancing in a shower of dust

In a room that hasn't seen the light of day for years

Dancing around piles of furniture

Pieces of a life coated in spider webs and disappointment

Echoes of promises that all will be repaired

Stare me in the face

Jabbing at my heart and tearing it apart

Telling me, "You're a liar! There is no way you can fix this!"

I let myself down again

I made another mistake

Shards of glass from a broken picture frame cut my hand

Enough flow ensues for a drop of red to fall to the floor

The piles reach the ceiling

Pieces of the past darker than my blood mingled with the dust

I used to talk to myself when I realized no one else was in the room

I clutch at a page torn from a notebook

Crumpled in my fist like a snowball that won't melt

I wish it would melt

I wish the words --no, the lies--written there would disappear

The tender affection described was etched into my heart

The first time I read it

The hands that wrote it have long stopped holding me

And I fell

I fell long and hard, landing on my face in the dust

As all I loved and hated fell around me

Crashing like a merciless wave

I've tried to clean house a little

Jokes here...dreams there...

My favourite duvet hidden in the middle of that pile of memories...I think

~~~

Did you see that shadow cross the window?

I slowly move across the room, tumbling over another guilt trip

The glass is fogged up and I can't see out clearly

I wonder how long the air will last in here

Rubbing a circle clean with my sleeve

I peer out not knowing what I'm seeing

Splashes of colour like a Monet masterpiece

I rub the window and blink my eyes but I can't make out the image

It's so captivating but even more so is the figure standing outside my door

He wears a flowy robe but I can't see him clearly either

I can't decide at first whether or not to stay or run back into the shadows

My heart is pounding and everything is moving too fast

My head is hurting and I suddenly realize how tired I am

Maybe tired enough to cry

But I have to be ready to protect myself just in case

Is he a threat?

Does he want to pick through my junk like those other jerks?

Is he another stranger force-feeding false hopes?

I run away from the window and duck under a table

Pulling at the once-white table cloth for extra cover

~~~

Knock, knock

A pause then more knocking

"Claudine?"

The voice is soft and powerful at the same time

What hits me the most is the person saying my name actually sounds like he cares

There's a gentle eagerness in the voice that makes tears spill from my eyes

After the hell of failure that has swallowed up this whole room

Live company should be welcome

Can he let himself in?

Because I don't have the strength to get there now

I didn't think anybody would come or even want to

I thought I was locked in

I lay my head on the floor and let the tears fall out

I want to hear my name again

Taste the sweetness that seems to pour from the very mouth that says it

I finally relax my aching muscles as the knocking continues

Close my eyes in full surrender and the door creaks open.