A Treacherous Night

That look in your eyes

The hatred in your heart

When you burst

Through the door

You pushed me

From behind

As my head

Slammed against the wall

The end of this

Was not close at all.

Instead of talking

You only grabbed at me.

Your fist full

Of the neck of my shirt

As my hands wildly search

For something to grab

I grab your glasses

And fling them to the side

And your grip

Finally loosens.

A second lunge

And then a third

I'm flung around this tiny room

Full of furniture and remorse

Bruises riddle my body

And my cheek begins to swell

My lip starts to bleed.

It swells up like a knot, it's busted and bruised

Your arm tightens around my neck

The fear within my body freezes me entirely

My blood running cold

My heart racing fast.

Who knows what would have happened

Had you continued, that night.

Maybe you would have beat me

Til I was out cold, or maybe until I was gone.

That night is long behind you, hiding in the shadows of your mind

And you claim to hate yourself more than I could possibly hate you, though you don’t know

But for me, that day is relived

Over and over again each time I open my eyes

My soul is completely crushed and I am nowhere to be found

My spirit is gone and a look of emptiness glazes my eyes while my soul freezes over.

My heart aches feverishly, aching to redo that wretched night.

Before the agony and the heartache.

Before things got so complicated and before I hurt so badly within.

Was it something of my doing?

Was it an entirely outrageous response?

Am I overlooking something I said

That made hitting me so easy for you?

You need to know how low you have made me feel.

How far you pushed me to sink into this hole I’ve known my whole life.

You need to see how badly I hurt within myself because of your actions.

You should not be still able to have everything I’m can’t have.

Like a safe place

Or peace of mind.

There is no way to know for sure exactly how you may feel,

And after all is said and done, I want what once was, an old friend,

To know how badly he can break one’s spirit in the span of an instant.

And that nothing will ever be the same because of his choice.

And it was your choice.