A Particular Shade of Love

My understanding of Love developed much like a photograph pinned up in a dark room. I was a blank slate, poised to be printed with the marks of love and life however the world saw fit.

It started out hazey, unclear and colourless; washed out ideals with the Red influence of what others try to tell you Love actually is. The 'standard' kind of love that, when people try to explain in any detail, it never quite forms a picture. This red love alwasy felt plastic, like fake petals that smelt of dust and fickle promises.

Every time a colour bloomed into something recognisable on my photograph of Love, it came from experience, irrespective of the thoughts of others, regardless even, of their experience. Because the one thing I learnt early was that love is not taught; it is felt. You can be influenced by the love you witness around you, it can shape how you learn love and the value you place on it but ultimately it is only you that can ever know your colours and what they mean.

The citrus taste of Orange, for instance, means something to me that may be never understood by another. It is the warm greeting of a family pet or the comfort of a favourite toy worn thin from overuse.

The sunrise Yellows of every tone; the childish, familiar colour of summer afternoons and simple trips to the beach or the crisp sip of pinapple juice that is just the right balance of sour and sweet.

The deep murmuring sway of winter leaves and the bright rustle of wind through spring grass; a palette of Green that taught me that Love dances in all the places that bring you joy. The slumbering pines of Canada to the vibrant scent of Eycalyptus in Australia.

I found all these colours and understood them before recognising what any of them really meant, before coming to learn the depth of gradients that existed.

Then I discovered that dipping a paintbrush in the ocean will give you a different hue every time, this is just like opening your ribcage and watching how the beating rhythm will change for every type of Love you find. This is what I came to know when I met each blend of soul-touched Blue. The feather-light cyan of the sky you see in a gentle smile that grows into the dusk-tinted horizon at sunset. There is the familiar tint of clouds filled to bursting that amble over the roiling ocean and knowing that the very same waves will become calmer the deeper you dive beneath them. It will also be hearder to breathe, but the touch of midnight, silent, calm and intoxicating in its depth is sometimes too hard to resist.

The last blossom of colour to develop was the vivid drop of bursting laughter that brings tears to your eyes, the churning joy of shared interests, the bubble of your favourite playlist being drowned out by too many voices until they all merge to belt the chorus. The Purple kiss of knowing Love without boundaries, without shame, without judgement. A lilac promise to be true to yourself. The lavender caress of kindness given freely without expectation. The violet bloom of feeling see, being acknowledged, being you without questioning the validity of the sentiment.

After trying to capture and decipher the hexadecimal code for Love I came to understand that the image printing on my photograph of love was simply an ever-evolving personalised kaleidoscope of changing pigments. It was after that moment of enlightnment that I realised that there is no particular shade of Love.