A Pain Not Mine

"I lay at night with my mentality in the mindset of something I cannot rid myself of in the moments where I need rest...Im struggling to come to terms with my humanity in this endless duel of what is right and what is wrong, the decision of where my life should be led.

I don't know how to speak these words...I dissociate between time and body only able to comprehend pain, the pain of my fellow human, the hurt that is constant and far too frequent in nature causing the aching of souls that do not deserve this torment. Whether it is the victims of circumstance with no warmth in the chills of night, the adolescent light that dims until they take in their last sights of this reality..or...those who lose every bit of potential time to grow into something magnificent all due to disasters of this wretched world...I am in pain.

I toss and turn in my place of warmth only thinking of them, tears of confinement as I feel useless, unable to save the victims of life's tragedies. As this realization grows further, attaching itself deeper throughout every fiber of my cells, I know now what I want most in life.

I want to see relief, I want to see the pain go away. I cannot bear the struggle between optimism and the harsh truth that is the world.

I battle deeply with my demons, at dimensions end hoping I can find my will to live, yet I want nothing more than to sell my soul in hopes that I can, that i hope i can, end the pain of others...I see finally that I am not hurting for myself, but I am hurting for an answer to what will make the difference..."