A Moment But a Mountain

What am I doing?

Who am I trying to impress

It’s like I have this incessant need to be perfect for everyone but I never hit the bar

A black hole I can't escape with a void that can never be healed by anyone but myself

Inside I'm screaming out for help because the brave face I pull isn't me being FINE

(my definition of FINE is me saying oh shhh I'm FINE don't worry about me when really inside my head I'm Freaked Out Neurotic and Emotional.

The wall can't break and I have nothing to show and tell

This false confidence and girl who shrugs it off and is all a sell sell sell

When really inside my head I'm thinking

Please help, I can't cope get me out of here

Someone see the me behind me

But no one hears

Because I'm too scared, no I'm shy...no I'm not

I'm hiding

Hiding from me

You

And them

I can't proclaim, shout or share

And I'll say I'm my own nightmare

The four walls I can't escape are my own making

The doubt, Sheila I call her, whispers dearly in my ear those words that make me think

I’m not good enough,

I can't do this,

There's no chance,

It's not going to happen

I’m done.

Sometimes I can wake up and Sheila well she's gone out for the day

I can take hold

I can do this

There are so many chances for me to explore

Everything is happening and for once

I’m free!

These moments are fleeting although they are cherished

I know these moments can be acquired but sometimes I don't have the heart to look hard enough to find them

But when I'm in them I know I can and that is beautiful.