A Moment

I sat calmly behind you, my husband

You were on the edge

The sun was shining, there wasn’t a cloud in the sky

I did not dare speak, I didn’t move, I knew what you were contemplating and I turned to stone

I didn’t want to blink for fear that in that split second you’d be gone. Inside I was hysterical.

I looked at your back, the image of my soul mate, the man I love, my best friend. My beautiful handsome man.

I imagined you gone and having to crawl to the edge, for I wouldn’t be able to stand

I imagined seeing your lifeless body at the bottom dead on the rocks, I heard my gut wrenching scream as I took it in

I quietly prayed and you came back to me, my soul breathed a sigh of relief

We both knew the significance of those moments when time had slowed, when you contemplated life or death

I want you to fall in love with yourself like I did, feel like a sunflower with its face in the sun

See all the beautiful colours and complexities of your soul

Want you to want to spend every waking moment with you, to value you

See the man, the friend, the lover, the brother, the father, the son in law, the step dad

See what you bring to all our lives from fish to fun

I know you can still hear bird song and appreciate the beauty of this world yet I know you aren’t ready to walk side by side with me, for the moment I have to walk behind you, be there to catch you when you fall, cherish those moments when you invite me to be next to you

One day I hope that colour will come back enough, that I can step back into my role by your side and you will never again feel that we’d be better off with you gone, you won’t want it all to be over for you will have a life to live, a future yet to be told, one of promise and intrigue

But for now I hope, I pray, I put aside images of your funeral and when I see old people together i hope with all of my heart that I get that with you my friend, my lover, my husband. For I can see it in my minds eye a happy future as man and wife on our paradise Isle