A Merry Expensive Christmas
When Your Bank Account Meets the Holidays
'Twas two weeks before Christmas, and all through the mall,
Every wallet was screaming, "Please, nothing at all!"
The price tags were hung on the merchandise with care,
In hopes that your credit card wouldn't despair.
The children had visions of PS5s in stock,
While Dad saw the price tag and went into shock.
"Three hundred dollars for a LEGO playset?!
I'll build them a castle from cardboard instead!"
Mom wanted a sweater, just something simply nice,
But gasped when she saw it "THAT'S the sale price?!"
The groceries for dinner cost more than the tree,
The tree cost more than our mortgage used to be!
Little Timmy asked Santa for one simple toy,
Santa checked Amazon "Sorry there, boy,
With shipping and handling and tax and tariffs,
I'm switching your gift to 'love and imagination.'"
We gathered around with our budget friendly cheer,
Ate ramen for Christmas (the fancy kind dear!),
And though our bank accounts wept through the night,
We laughed till we cried. Merry Broke Ass! Sleep tight!
At least the Christmas spirit is still free... for now.
About the Creator
Tim Carmichael
Tim is an Appalachian poet and cookbook author. He writes about rural life, family, and the places he grew up around. His poetry and essays have appeared in Bloodroot and Coal Dust, his latest book.
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Comments (21)
Ha ha ha …..now I can get behind this Christmas feeling. Congratulations and Merry Christmas Tim.
Wooohooooo congratulations on your Leaderboard placement! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
Congrats on your leaderboard placement!
Everything is so damn expensive, Tim. Personally, I miss the good old days of less equals more. Congratulations on your top story and on making the leadership board this week! 😊
I can’t tell if I love or hate this….congrats on top story and leaderboard spot!
Very clever!
Hilarious, Tim. I laughed aloud when dad went into shock. And I laughed even harder when hit with tariffs (It's either laugh or cry with those things.) Personally, I think Amazon paid off Santa and shot all the reindeer. I hate to spread conspiracy theories but seriously.... when was the last time *you* saw an elf? Thanks for the giggles. ⚡💙Bill⚡
Merry Broke, Ass Sleep tight might be the most honest Christmas line ever written.
Tim, I love this, so you are not mad at me?
Yes, I cam really relate to this, but at least we can laugh about it!
Ha ha, another season of out of control spending. Well put
So funny and spot on! "THAT'S the sale price?!" I can't tell you how many times my wife and I think that when we're shopping - even grocery shopping! Thanks for a fun, entertaining piece!
Cute!😊💕💗
LOL! 🤣😂😅 I Uber 💜'd this! This made my day! It is so delightful! Bravo Tim!
I wish my family would understand this. I’m so tired of wanting to give soft and little gifts and then being pressured into commercialized junk passed off as useful.
As a non-celebrator, I always saw the commercialized aspects of Christmas as a big part of the problem, but at this point, people can barely afford a proper meal to share with their family, and they certainly can't travel to visit them. It is truly disheartening. You described the situation perfectly. I wish you and all the rest at the very least a little happiness. <3
Spot on. And timely! I read your poem right after seeing some headlines trying to gaslight readers into thinking the lack of affordability is a scam lol
I may have to read this to my family!👨👩👧👦
I wasn’t sure if I should laugh or cry. I laughed this time. (Loved your poem!) We’ll see what happens when I go shopping for Christmas dinner…
Well! What a hard pill to swallow. But it’s the truth. Just yesterday I needed by some Kleenex. I usually buy the pack of four rectangular boxes. Last time I bought them about five weeks ago they were going for $7.99. Yesterday I bought the same exact thing for $9.99. Merry Christmas, Tim and hopefully a Happy New Year!
When I’m broke at Christmas, I make myself traffic Santa and let people in every chance I get (unless I’m in a hurrry and have to cut people off and give them the finger—traffic Scrooge/Grinch alter ego).