A Letter To My Future Lover

my dearest,

allow me to apologize

for my unknowing knowledge

of what love is.

as much as i feel, like everyone feels it,

i can't help but realize that it's different

to me.

now, of course, if i tell you,

that i wake up thinking about you

and go to bed thinking about you

and all the time of the in-between i think

of the smallest possibility

of being with you,

you’d tell me (despite what you

really think about me)

that there’s nothing wrong with that

and that’s how everyone feels it.

however,

if i tell you that i punish myself

every night,

for even allowing myself to dream of your eyes,

and that i offer so much hate towards my side

for even thinking about you,

the way i know you’d never think of me,

would you agree,

that this is not how it's done,

and that i may be a little too concerned

about how much i deserve to love.

because i’m human,

i deserve just as much,

as anyone and anyone deserves

everything they are in need of.

but i can’t help but push deep the thought

that you’re much more than

anything, or even, everything

that i could ever ask for.

so, yet again, i apologize

for my unknowing knowledge

of what love is.

i might not love the same way

as others do, but i love,

with every single piece of my heart,

i dedicate my whole self to you.

yours truly, etc.

(ps. of where this will bring you

and what taste will it leave you,

i, unfortunately, don’t know.

let me love you, sometimes

you won’t understand

where my actions and words hold

their origin.

sometimes, there will be no

actions or words, and you’ll think

that i might have stopped loving you.

but trust me, please do, when i say,

that all my mistakes come from fear

of losing you.

that’s the last thing i want

and i’ll try to ignore it

i will give you myself if i have to.

i will love you my ways

and you teach me yours

and maybe we’ll define love

in a new way.)