A Hapless New Dawn

Good morning.

Smile.

Learn to self settle.

You need to wean.

Do you still wet your bed?

You are too old for nappies.

Have you learnt how to read?

You need to know how to tell time.

Can you dress independently?

I myself was doing chores at age 2.

Have you started your savings?

You need to learn the value of money.

Have you not hit puberty yet?

I'd see a doctor for that.

Have you picked a profession?

No, not an artist. Nor an actor. Yep, accounting is good.

You need to have good grades to go to university.

Are you married?

How about those savings?

You need to own a house by 25.

Are you still paying a mortgage?

If you were savvy, you'd already have paid it off.

Don't you have kids yet?

Children are the joy of life,

and your clock is ticking.

You haven't backpacked in Asia?

You need to discover the world to discover yourself.

How's work, are you a manager yet?

Louie was a CEO before he turned 30.

You'll never advance unless you assert yourself,

But don't be bossy or stick out!

How are the kids?

You need to enjoy every minute, they aren't young forever!

Do crafting.

Stay in the now,

Don't lose your temper.

How's that mortgage?

Do financial planning.

You need to start thinking about your retirement savings!

Have you checked your general health? You cannot keep living like you are 25.

You should start thinking about hanging up your coat, you know?

you are holding up a job that would go to a young person starting out.

Have you thought about downsizing? Do you really need all those rooms anymore?

Let the children lead their own lives, they don't need your input any more.

Are you a grandma yet? Better put pressure on those kids!

You should start thinking of setting your finances,

Don't wanna leave your kids with your debt.

Have you secured your grave spot yet?

You know, you get discounts for a double plot.

Take your medicine.

Stay continent.

Smile, it's been a helluva ride.

Lights out.

Good night.