A Bad Hand

Have you ever tried to look up to someone who wants nothing to do with you? Its like I have been looking into an empty well in hopes of getting a response when I throw in that coin. Life can play tricks on you sometimes, possibly deal you that bad hand of poker that you risked everything on. You need to hold back some chips so that you can move on to a different table to possibly obtain a better hand.

You look at the dealer and she gives you a nod and you feel you might have a good chance at a 2nd round. You smile as things seem to be going in your favor for once. You get dealt a hand Ace's High, you feel you have a chance to mend things that have been so wrong in your past. You take a chance and wager high. Another card is dealt, another Ace.

Things are finally looking up for you, life might not be so bad after all. Its time for the reveal, and you are crushed as the dealer conquerors the table with a royal flush. Your whole life has just flashed in front of your eyes. You have nothing anymore. Nothing to hold onto, nothing to boast about, nothing more to keep your head held high.

Such is the game of life. You take risks, you gamble, you lose. Sometimes you can't mend what is already too far broken. You can't try to put the puzzle back together when your supporting edge pieces are wet and soggy. You have to realize that once broken, its better off left that way. You lay in your bed holding your chest, feeling your heart beat faster and faster.

You close your eyes trying to calm yourself down but all you can think about is what did you do wrong. Why is it that he looks at you like you don't exist. Fighting for another but see's you as a pane of window glass. A creation of flesh and blood but yet as thin as water.

Do you not belong? Is this gods way of saying you are better off with a broken bowl rather than a complete one to drink the blood of life from? God tell me why, tell me, tell me why I live this life that I do. With missing pieces that will never be found. Is it him that is going to have to answer to you for the way things are?

Is it me that needs constant reassuring that everything will be ok? I need an answer and I need one quick. You close your notebook after writing this and ponder to yourself what you just wrote. Was that necessary? Did it have to go that far? You open the book back up and start to rip out the page. You stop yourself, you think, this book is my life. This book contains all the wrong hands ever dealt to me and all the good things in your life that you are thankful for.

You can remove things from your life just by ripping the pages out. You think to yourself, if only life was this easy. If only I could write on a page something from my life that I don't want in it, rip it out and everything will be made ok. You try it, you grab a pen and on a blank page you write the letters D....A....D. You close the pen and you start to rip out the page, looking around to see if anything is going to change.

Nothing.... its not as easy as you thought. Although some people have done you wrong in your life, it is impossible to just rip them out of it. Sometimes you just have to deal with things and fold them up and use them as a bookmark in this book we call life. You pull out your deck of cards and shuffle through them until you find the joker.

You hold it up, looking at it, and you think to yourself.....This is what my life is....a joke!