The Trip Back to My Hometown

My grandmother and I were chit chatting a little during the late evening hours just of life in general and random talking points here and there until she had asked me of my trip visiting my hometown on a mission to see Edgar. It was a short amount of time I’d get to see someone I was so close to in an almost previous chapter of my life before he would return to his base somewhere in Tokyo, but I had to take the chance while it was right in front of me. I was able to drive, had just started breaking in my “new” car, and had enough of a financial cushion to take this trip towards my hometown I once knew.

Secretly, my heart still beats for my eager return home. It was a good chunk of my life before the family and I dropped everything we had to move out towards a small town in the central valley to start a new life. Though it’s a life that doesn’t agree with me one way or another, lately I’ve romanticized the potential prospect of returning back to my hometown where my ambitions have started.

I mentioned the drive was quite enjoyable, whether there was traffic or not, it was irrelevant to my enjoyment traveling on roads and streets once recognizable to me but caved into the tides of change as time passes. I didn’t mind taking my time in a sense of leisure passing through the somewhat intimidating mountains of the Altamount while revisiting memories of Edgar and I hanging out being in the streets just outside of the main downtown area.

Takes me back to seven years ago, quickly approaching eight.

We took photographs of the local commuter service that used to have nothing but diesel equipment as far as the eye could see before leveling up to the future standards, trading in that aging equipment of “gallery cars” and rebuilt diesel locomotives for gigantic electric train sets that sound like the light rail.

I had my playlist full of funk songs released almost four decades ago, before my time but it didn't change how much my soul resonated with the grooves, riding high on the feelings of anticipation as I got closer and closer towards my needed exit to enter the streets I used to know.

The anticipation of seeing an old friend increased the closer and closer I got towards the place where he’s staying until he leaves back towards his base not long from now.

The sun was obstructed by a thick blanket of light grey clouds being only five minutes away. I thought about what my previous life was in high school, finishing out senior year and being in a damn hurry to get my diploma to move to something new afterwards, months before graduation.

Taking the bus from the stop close to my school, heading home with an empty head thinking “what’s life going to be after this?” It was a question left unanswered for a while.

I never thought my life would be where it is now, only just starting to discover this path I took a while ago has its own light glowing, altogether reflecting in life without a soul in the car but myself, “it’s not so bad where I’m at now… I’m getting somewhere. I just have to give myself another year.”

In all honesty, I didn’t even think I would be taking a trip in my hometown the way I did in the past “weekend” until much later on in the future. It was an eye opening experience.

I’m still in that part of my life where I’m trying to figure out what is next for me, but only at a different angle. I have a lot of ideas and projects to tackle, it’s only a matter of time before everything is streamlined into a logical path forward with the insistence that I can do everything.

I’m not sure how I’m going to pull it off, but somewhere in the back of my mind, my higher self is whispering to me “just do it and don’t think about it too much.”

That is one bad habit I had to ditch and leave behind as an unfortunate trend for the yesteryear. If the last year was about making steps towards improvement, then this year is going to be the year where I get out of my head and spend more time putting those ideas into practice.

I had a question if I was going to move back to my hometown like I wanted.

For the longest time, that prospect was in an endless cycle of limbo while I moved forward somehow with no concrete answer as to if I was going to or not. My mind was not made up just yet, and the day before at work, I mentally prayed that this little excursion would provide some answers in that regard because there is still an overwhelming part of me that so desperately wanted to see this ideal through.

That’s in addition to other projects like writing a decent book.

Once I parked outside of the leasing office to my buddy’s uncle’s apartment, I tried calling my grandmother to let her know that I made it into town in one piece. She was delighted to hear from my mother who was the one who answered her phone almost in an instant.

Just then in that moment towards the end of the brief conversation, Edgar popped in as I unlocked the door and he was amazed that I was driving my “new” car being cleaner and a little more modern than the heaping junk I was rocking, almost approaching twenty years of age.

“This you now?” he asked in astonishment.

“Hell yeah. New year, new thing,” I replied excitedly.

“I mean you might as well,” he said as he got into the passenger seat, comfortably seating his bag down on the floor space he had left while I pulled out of the driveway.

I was approaching the freeway but then took the wrong direction towards Dirdon, needing to make a swift turn around along the Capitol Expressway a few miles over as we continued to catch up. “This city has changed so much since I left,” he recalled, feeling nostalgic.

He told me the moment he saw two homeless people tweaked out and using shopping carts they found lying around as battering rams against one another in the gas station that zoomed by.

It wasn’t long before the conversation made the lost time to make a turn around swing by before we got to the central downtown area where I, again, took the wrong exit.

It was no biggie as I just took the streets leading into Santa Clara Street which takes you straight to the station itself while mentioning some chronicles of how I almost moved back to my hometown last year but things fell through at the last minute somehow. I was in that same area.

We looked at some of the attractive university women walking by though I tried not to look for too long on the count of my slight bitterness of where my love life is at the moment.

One brunette certainly caught my attention, but immediately became a distant memory as I swung into the streets leading into downtown. Being met with the sight of skyscrapers and towers that was lacking in my current neck of the woods, we took it all in as we approached Diridon.

It wasn’t long before I pulled into the parking lot, getting off in excitement to see some of Edgar’s old colleagues from his “Caltrain Days” before going to the Navy, in turn meeting briefly one of his coworkers now operating one of those electric train sets running up and down the peninsula.

I was sort of hesitantly infatuated by her, “Hi, nice to meet you. My name is Kim.”

“My name is Guillermo, good to meet you,” I replied.

“How long are you planning to stay in town?” she asked the both of us.

“Well with him, he’s staying until the second and I’m only staying the night and heading back home tomorrow sometime during the day,” I spoke up in a suave tone.

“Hope to see you around then,” she said sweetly to the both of us.

The conversation was unfortunately cut short before she shut the window of her cab, preparing for departure as she honked the hideously sounding horn, getting out of sight.

I asked Edgar if she was seeing anyone.

“You should try to approach her yourself when you move here,” he said confidently as if he knew I was still thinking about doing that at the top of my mind, but wasn’t exactly sure if I had an answer until afterwards.

We grabbed a bite to eat and took a little stroll through downtown, trying to go to the bakery nearby until we realized it was closed.

Go figure, it’s Sunday night.

We were bummed out until we just decided to go to the McDonald’s near his place for a sweet treat and a frappe like he promised earlier.

Time seemingly went by as he demonstrated some of the things they taught him over in the Navy especially when there’s an intense situation requiring the use of a handgun.

Thankfully, he told me not once did he need to use brute force to that extreme during his time over there. I was honestly relieved to hear that.

He taught me some of the words and phrases he learned in Japanese, but as of writing this, all of that information has slid off my mind completely.

The night eventually came to a close and I had to drop him off at his place. I had to get out of my car and give him a big hug as though he was the brother I never had.

“I’ll make time to come see you again before you leave,” I said to him as he walked closer and closer towards the gate but saying in reply, “take care of yourself, man.”

One final wave between the both of us as we both got out of sight.

I waited a minute to see him go through the gates before completely driving off in my car towards the motel for the night, but I decided to take a detour.

I zipped along the freeway before taking the needed exit and back I was at that same parking spot, hoping to get a photograph to put on my Instagram as part of “my photo diary.”

It came to me in a flash of a deeper realization “yes, you still want so badly to move back here and I wouldn’t give up on it if I were you. You’re closer than you think.”

I took a moment, allowing it to sink in.

Despite the challenges that may surface on my way towards achieving that personal goal of mine, I will find a way to get back home because my soul is going to be persistent on it until I achieve it.

From there, I’ll see more goals to achieve.

Newer projects to tackle, there will be so many things waiting for me in my hometown and it won’t be long before I’ll pull it off.

People will ask me how I did it.

Hell, I’ll be wondering the same thing in amazement myself.

I know I’ll look back at this transitional chapter of my life in amazement of how far I’ve come.

Within a year, I managed to do so much that was “impossible” to me at some point and I should keep reminding myself of it. I’m going to be okay and I’m going to prosper for the better, I just need to give myself a bit of time because there is no deadline to hit the finish line.

That photograph of my newer car parked in the spacious parking lot was the moment when that realization started to take root within, “I want what I want, I’m moving back home.”