Take A Hike

At the summit of the tallest mountain in the United Kingdom, my chest heaved for air and my legs threatened to give out. I yearned to collapse, but I told myself I couldn’t sit down yet. I had to finish this trek. I had to make it to the summit marker. After four and a half hours of vigorous hiking, I would get my photo from the summit.

The hike up had been marked by gorgeous blue skies and a few clouds. Once I reached the top, a storm rolled quickly in from the northwest which I heard is typical Scottish weather. I waited for a turn at the rock peak and asked a fellow hiker to take my photo then finally sat my aching body on nearby stones for some lunch.

Ben Nevis wasn’t the tallest peak I climbed so far, but it was monumental for the journey I was on. This month-long, solo trek through Scotland was a rest and reset after the harrowing task of quitting the career I’d planned on setting roots down for.

A couple years and many reasons led me to the decision to leave the job I’d put myself through graduate school to get. Not to mention the student loans. I thought I’d made it after I graduated and landed the perfect position. That this was the American dream. This was the future everyone prepared me for. Until the years passed, the experience was gained and I realized this was not my American dream.

I felt like a failure. Like I wasted years of my life and took on so much debt all in error. There certainly were friends and experiences I’m glad I lived through and wouldn’t have traded, but it didn’t soften the gnawing feeling of defeat.

During these eye-opening years, I found that my love of writing and creative outlets were my true passion not my career. I asked myself, why I hadn’t gone to school for literature instead? Why did it take me so long to realize my passion? Why didn’t I stand up for what I wanted all along?

Shaken to my core, and my life turned upside down, I left my career and went to explore a breathtaking country. I thought it would be a time to stoke my creative spirit, to inspire my writing and show me that I’d made the right decision.

A couple of weeks into this trip, however, and I felt no less lost.

No epiphany graced me.

I carried on.

When I got to the top of that mountain, shaking and promising myself that I’d exercise more when I got home, I gazed over the endless mountains. I didn’t get some big life-altering epiphany, but at that moment, I was reminded that I can do hard things. I can change my mind despite how terrifying it can be. I can persevere. I’m not the sum of my career or what I provide to the world.

The journey down the mountain took an hour less but pelted everyone on that trail with chilling rain. My knees were ready to crack under the constant downward pressure and my thighs burned like an eternal fire. I didn’t stop though. I didn’t pause because I could do this. I could set my mind to this and be okay.

My life didn’t have to upheave because I chose another path. In fact, the path I was on couldn’t have been more spectacular. And I’ll keep making more choices. I’m sure I’ll find new paths in the future as well, ones that I never could have imagined.

This photo will forever spark the memory that I hiked that monstrous mountain with unforgettable views. It had been difficult. Just as it had been difficult to quit my career, but I powered through the discomfort because I can do hard and terrifying things.