A Little Bird Told Me

For exactly half of my life, I lived in a neat little golden cage. Everyone who peeked inside saw a cheery little bird, if perhaps a bit flighty. But if anyone had looked more closely, they would have realized how ugly it really was inside. It took a divorce, loss of a job, selling a home and a global pandemic to send all that gilt tumbling. While the crash was over, and the wreckage assessed, I discovered the door to my cage was terrifyingly open. Over the next few months, I timidly peeked out and discovered that the world was more beautiful than I’d remembered.

For exactly half of my life, I lived in a neat little golden cage. Everyone who peeked inside saw a cheery little bird, if perhaps a bit flighty. But if anyone had looked more closely, they would have realized how ugly it really was inside. It took a divorce, loss of a job, selling a home and a global pandemic to send all that gilt tumbling. While the crash was over, and the wreckage assessed, I discovered the door to my cage was terrifyingly open. Over the next few months, I timidly peeked out and discovered that the world was more beautiful than I’d remembered.

After years of my life being dictated by my bars, I started exploring things out of doors. I remembered how much I enjoyed photography club in school and decided to buy a camera. During my long walks, I discovered how much I loved listening for birds and trying to capture them before they flew off. Winter nights were spent reading all I could. Winter days were spent setting out feeders and learning the calls and habits of all of the sparrows and finches that visited. The more I learned, the better I liked the photos.

I have never been very confident about sharing things I’ve made. Something about photos of birds changed that. Perhaps because I wasn’t responsible for their beauty, just for capturing them for a brief moment, I was more comfortable letting others see them. At first, just family and friends got a note and a photo, showing off my latest sighting. Then, I began sharing them with other birders, photographers and scientists. Absorbing new information, learning about new birds and enjoying being able to share my joy with others has opened my world in ways I would not have dreamed of from inside my old cage. I look around the nest I’ve created for me and my daughter and am amazed. Something as small as being free has brought so much love and beauty into our lives.

Now, I am starting to really spread my wings and try new things. I have been taking images of birds, flowers, and insects and using them to create new art. There are so many ways of combining photographs, paper, and paint to show off nature in a new light. One of my favorite ways of using these photos is to use them in graphics programs to make something new. I love playing with combinations of colors and words to design stationary and fabric. There is something really exciting about starting with capturing a bird in a moment and translating that into something I can fashion into a quilt to surround someone I love.

I am also using my photographs to create learning materials for my students. During the past year of teaching exclusively via Zoom, it has helped to be able to connect to my kids with my photography. Every week, I use a photo of a new bird as a background. (Often, I am able to line the bird up, so it looks as if it is nesting in my hair.) Introducing new birds has helped to show them how much beauty there is in the world. From the tiniest of Anna’s Hummingbirds to the tallest of Great Blue Herons, there is so much to learn. Even in my tiny yard, dozens of species appear.

When I reflect on what life was like trapped inside, there is little I miss. Sure, my feathers get ruffled from time to time. But that is a small price to pay for being free to soar wherever the wind may take me.