Your Worth is Not Based On Your Accomplishments

Early in life, I noticed that the people around me were very happy when I accomplished something, and quite unhappy when I did not.

Naturally, I started associating accomplishment with worthiness.

In high school, the ultimate accomplishment was getting into a good college.

My dream of getting into college sustained me through high school. I thought, “once I get into college, I never have to suffer in life again!”

Then, I started college, and found out that my life would actually start for real when I got into a good graduate school.

I knew that there were other ways to live life, but I was totally convinced that I wasn’t one of those people who got to live life authentically. I wasn’t allowed to do anything that I actually enjoyed doing. If I enjoyed it, it was probably bad for me.

I wasn’t allowed to be myself, fully.

It seemed like I had nothing of value to offer the world until I had a graduate degree. I had to find a way to compromise to build a career: to do something I don’t want to do, with a little bit of my true personality sprinkled in (but not too much!).

I actually started a master’s program in mental health counseling, but I withdrew shortly after starting.

Why?

I am done with the idea that I’m not enough as I am.

I refuse to believe that I need a degree in mental health counseling in order to share my value with other people.

I’m done “accomplishing” things. I’m tired of believing that I’m not enough until I (fill in the blank).

I’m successful now.

That’s right. I have the audacity to declare myself successful as I am, right now.

Because here’s what really makes me successful:

For many years of my life, I spent every day wanting to die. Now, I want to live.

I used to identify as mentally ill. Very accomplished, graduate-level professionals diagnosed me with mental illnesses, so I trusted them above myself.

Over several years of therapy, every emotion I felt, every personality quirk I possessed, every non-traditional approach to anything… was labeled as a symptom. Diagnosis after diagnosis made me feel like I was just too messed up to trust myself.

I couldn’t make decisions for myself. I didn’t even know there was a “myself” to trust.

It seemed like nothing about me mattered unless someone else could use it for their own gain. What could I, Miss Mental Disorder, possibly accomplish in life?

I used my diagnoses as justifications for my unhealthy behaviors and beliefs. Then, one day, I got bored of my self-imposed mediocrity.

There’s nothing wrong with me.

The diagnoses don’t serve me. Those labels do not empower me. Now, I identify as someone who’s healing. It’s a process, and I’m on the right path. My own wellbeing is my highest priority, because I can’t truly help anyone else unless I’m whole.

I’m not going to lie. It’s been difficult at times to have this much faith in myself. I’ve had to work through a lot of unhealthy beliefs that were holding me back from real progress in life.

But, I prefer this type of challenge over what I used to put myself through. Never again will I struggle meaninglessly in response to empty promises of security.

I would rather experience the challenge of flying mid-air during a leap of faith, ready for the net to appear.

Why?

I know the truth now.

The real secret to success is relentlessly believing in your own inherent value.

I don’t have a responsibility to doubt myself.

I don’t have to keep asking, “What if I’m not enough?”

Honestly, I’m not sure what my next “accomplishment” will look like. It doesn’t matter to me, because most importantly, I know how I want to feel.

Enjoying life is my priority.

Committing to my own wellbeing is the most important accomplishment of my life.

In doing so, I hope to empower others who are tired of measuring their worth in accomplishments or productivity.

I am incredibly inspired by other writers who learned to trust themselves. Reading their work has given me the “permission slip” to change my own life.

As I write, I’m passing on the permission slip to you.