Why Some Personal Development Tips Make Us Feel Worse

We often try to feel better about ourselves by following inspirational and motivational personalities on social media, by reading uplifting stories and quotes, or by listening to our favorite music.

It’s so common that as many as 49% of people use platforms like YouTube to relax, destress, and even get inspiration.

But there’s a less positive aspect to personal development that we also need to address. Have you ever felt that commonly known self-help tips actually make you feel worse?

If you feel like personal development posts, books, and courses don’t do much for you, then you’re not alone.

Let’s explore why you shouldn’t take all self-help content at face value and how to deal with them instead.

It’s normal to underperform from time to time

Feeling too tired to work today or hit the gym? That’s okay. But there are personal development advocates who insist that you should never skip a day if you want to be a ‘better’ you.

But it’s okay to not be in the mood to cook tonight and to have Chinese takeout instead. It’s okay to watch The Matrix for the fifth time instead of writing a blog post for your work.

We’re human and it’s simply not possible to stay on top of our game in every area of life all the time. So, if you’re feeling upset about not being where you want to be in your career or relationship, then the best thing to do is spend some time processing your feelings instead of rushing about to fix things.

Trying to make yourself work harder or push interactions with others will only backfire. Instead, be aware that difficult times come and go, and eventually, you’ll be back on the road to wellness.

Everyone is unique

Another issue with self-help content is that it can’t apply to everyone in every circumstance. You may be in a unique situation where saying things like ‘No pain. No gain’ or ‘Just push yourself’ just don’t help.

Every person functions differently too. You may have a different outlook on life and factors like your upbringing and personality also impact you.

Personal development tips and tricks can give you a short burst of motivation, but if you aren’t making any lasting changes then you probably need to look for something else to help you.

I think that it’s very important for you to read books that go in-depth into a problem. If you’re a struggling entrepreneur, then you need to read entrepreneurship books to give you insights.

If you need help building self-esteem, doing a personal coaching session can make a world of difference. Or go in-depth into some psychological studies based on real research.

Remember that you’re unique and will likely need unique solutions to create growth in your life. So, explore ways and find things that work for you.

Blame Vs Responsibility

It’s true that if you want to make changes in your life then you need to start by being responsible for achieving what you want. However, personal development content can make you feel like you're at fault.

Very often, we have experiences that are completely out of our control. We also can’t account for other people’s behavior or natural occurrences. The arrival of the pandemic is proof enough of that.

Remember that blame doesn’t create any kind of positive change. Ever. While you are responsible for yourself, you don’t have to blame yourself when something doesn’t work out.

Responsibility empowers but blame places you in a disempowered state. If self-help content makes you feel worse, then you need to look for more rational sources to support your growth.

Happiness comes Naturally

We look for blogs and podcasts about personal development to feel motivated again and get our creative juices flowing. But the problem with this is that it’s forced.

Just like we can’t help it when we feel bad sometimes, we also don’t need to make ourselves feel good all the time.

Avoid resisting negative emotions and remember that positivity and happiness don’t have to be forced. As cliché as it may sound – sometimes, all you need to do is breathe, rest, and come back to a peaceful state.

Conclusion

When reading about self-help and personal development content, check how you feel. Such content may or may not be for you. It’s always best to listen to your own intuition and feelings and follow your own path in life.

Remember that any tip you get is like a book or a poem - no matter what the author writes, its interpretation is in your hands.

Learn to go with life’s ups and downs without wanting to change them. Through this kind of personal equanimity, you’ll discover personal growth naturally.