When the Unknown Becomes Home

As I write these words, I am sitting on a folding chair that I have installed in the middle of an almost dried up river, looking at this magnificent view in front of me. I am in awe and disbelief, tears forming in my eyes, grateful beyond explanation and feeling blessed to have this possibility in my life. “How did I end up being here?” I ask myself.

A few weeks ago, I arrived here in Alcanforado — Portugal, with a group of friends and colleagues with the wish to live in community for a week-long experiment. When the week was over, the rest of the team left while I stayed in the House, taking care of the beautiful land and the resident cat while my friend, the owner, is away. There is a river that passes in front of the house that can actually be seen from the terrace, it is an incredible place. I started to build a stone path and a wooden staircase so that the river can be easily accessible from the house.

There was a nice spot for swimming just in front of the staircase where a few water spiders were floating on the surface of the stagnant water but it was safe, it was close and this is where everyone would take their river baths, it was familiar. A family of turtles had made their nest on the opposite shore. I went there to take a dip once or twice everyday to hit refresh in my system, it was quite enjoyable to be in such an environment.

Unfortunately it has been a dry season, the river is drying up and the water level has been dropping down drastically during the past week. It is not enjoyable to take a dip in there anymore. The water level is too low, 3/4 of my body is out in the wind and it is freezing. Also, the turtles are gone and rats have taken control of the turf. Result: I stopped taking dips in the river.

One evening after several days of non-dipping, as I finished a workout, I really wanted to end the session with a dip in the river, there was no way for me to end it other than in this extraordinary way. So I walked down the stone steps towards the first spot right in front of the house, the first thing that came to me was “meehhh…” and I intuitively looked towards the right. Further down the stream, there is another spot where the water is deeper because there is a depression. I checked it out once before, very quickly during the first days we arrived here, and never went back because it is a bit further and secluded, it is wilder, and that scared me. It was out of what I would consider comfortable for me.

I did not think too much, I felt the fear and just went along with it, walking in that direction, just being careful about where I was stepping my feet. About 30 seconds later I arrived to that other spot where the water was clearly deep enough for an adult size human to be standing in it. I stood at the edge of the water, feet buried in yucky slimy mud and decayed leaves, fallen branches are all over the place, it is infested with these floating water spiders. “What the fuck am I doing here?” I ask myself. I do not stop to answer that question and I just keep on walking slowly into the freezing water, step by step, until my whole body is submerged and my sweat becomes one with the river. I stay down there for a few delicious seconds and then pop my head out of the water letting out a big “aaaaaaahhhhh woooow!” It was extraordinary indeed. I quickly run out and go back home scared.

The next morning as I wake up, I open my eyes and the strangest idea pops in my mind: “River!”

- “But I’m scared” says the scared Ragui

- “Make it a bit more comfortable then” answers the inner possibilitator

I wear my flipflops this time, I take a towel and portable speakers.

A few moments later, I am standing there staring at the water, hesitating.

I jump in, I come out, I sit down on my towel and play some chill morning music. I am enjoying this very much. “What an extraordinary way to start my day” I say.

Later that day, I really want to go back there. I sit down on my towel after bathing in the water and do nothing for a few moments, I just observe. It is so calm, so naturally beautiful and untouched. The only thing I can hear is the wind blowing through the leaves and birds chirping from time to time. I start to melt in my surrounding. The spiders seem to be playing football with a dried up leaf that fell on the surface of the water, what an incredible sight to witness! What seemed to be dark, frightening and repulsive has now become beautiful, curious and serene. Just like that scene in the original Walt Disney’s ‘Snow White’, when she is lost and the whole forest appears to be dark, gloomy, terrorizing and trying to “get her”, and suddenly when she is at the edge of her fear, cute little woodland critters appear out of the bushes who are as scared of her as she is of them, and the whole forest comes to light becoming bright and green. “What a magical place this is” I tell myself.

I go back the next day, and the days after, almost everyday.

Today, as I went to take my dip I noticed that the water level has gone down in that spot as well. I felt sad because I will miss it if it goes away, and I suddenly realised that I was actually scared shitless about this spot a couple of weeks ago and it has now become a magical place that I visit everyday to refresh myself and to meditate, it has somehow become my Home. What a joy to witness that shift! It happened unconsciously, I never planned to expand my own comfort zone this way. Not only that, I also noticed that with time, as I came here again and again, my desire to bring others to this beautiful spot grew more and more and since I was alone there social media was my only way. From this realization, the following Map of Exploration came to fruition:

Step 1: You arrive to the edge of your comfort zone, you freak out, it is scary and that is not okay so you go back to the way things were before. You become a potato: dull, simple, plain.

Step 2: You stay in the comfort zone for a while, maybe a day, a week, a month, a couple of years, until Life kicks you in the butt again with a surprise phone call, a book, a movie, an article or perhaps you take a training on Conscious Fear (connect with me if you are interested) and you learn that Fear is your new Best Friend. You finally step out of the edge. You become an explorer of the unknown.

Step 3: You go back and forth from the known to unknown because you understand that Life and Evolution can only happen there. The unknown is your new Home. People call you a crazy weirdo but it is way more rewarding than to be a potato. You become a Pineapple: fresh, juicy, colorful, exotic, you even go on pizzas.

Step 4: It is so ecstatic to explore the unknown and you find so much treasure there that you want to share your discoveries with others. You become a bridge for others, a wayshower.

Step 5: You look for the next big thing to explore, this time with others at your side. You become part of a team.

Experiment: Take out a new page in your diary and title it “places in my life where I am being a potato instead of a pineapple”.

Draw a big potato in the middle of the first page, this is you, so make it look nice. Write down the areas in your life where you are being a potato. This is not about judging yourself, this is an authentic, neutral, slightly painful look inwards: what is your next step that you are avoiding to take? Is it asking for a promotion? Or quitting your job and starting your own business? Talking to someone you have been avoiding? Going on that backpacking adventure you have been postponing for the last 5 years? Starting your own blog? Or maybe you are secretly already a pineapple and it is time to be a wayshower.

Next, pick one of them, a simple one to start with and write down all the fears that are preventing you from taking that step: “I am afraid to do … because …” Do this with someone and let them help you dig deeper. Ask a friend, or your partner tonight instead of watching television, there is nothing sexier than an empowering couple.

Next, learn to distinguish between feelings of fear - such as “I am afraid to go hiking because I do not have the proper shoes” - these ones are useful to have because they help you make the right decisions like buying the proper material, making new plans, knowing who to call next, being careful, etc… and emotions of fear - such as “I am afraid to write an article because people will judge me” - these ones suck you down into a never ending loop of stuckness and potato-life.

Here I am, sitting in this beautiful and inspiring spot which has now become quite familiar and I wonder, what will the next step of my exploration be? I look towards the other shore of the pool of water, I see a path that seems to lead into the forest. It is dark, wild, untamed, and quite scary. “Aha! Who will I take with me this time?”

I wish you joyful and scary exploring on whichever path you are: in nature, in the work you do, in your family or in your own potential, and remember to take others with you wherever you go. The world needs edge explorers like you, the world needs your treasure.

Love and Adventure,

Ragui