"What Do You Want To Be?"

“What do you want to be?” Is a question we are asked frequently as children. The response is typically a teacher, a police officer, or a firefighter. These are innocent responses as children but as we grow and experience life and what many feel as a calling, I would call a spark. I can't recollect any time when I was a small child when you would hear anyone respond that they wanted to be a painter, seamstress, or sculptor. Not knowing that it was possible to become those things always kept me confined to a box where I felt my art was trapped dimming the spark from within. My calling to art was something I hid from others for years in order to stray from being looked down upon. Living in a community where higher education came first made me feel that I would be choosing to be the wrong calling.

Throughout my childhood I would continue to feel these sparks of artistry within myself. Whether I was drawing intricate pictures of dresses I wish I had or creating gowns for my dolls out of toilet paper, glue, and anything else I could find. Until one day I would find something that would spark my calling and ignite my artistry. As a little girl I could remember sneaking into my mothers closet and wondering what was in this old box tucked away in the corner. Until One day at the age of 7, I opened it and what was inside would eventually change my path in life. It was my great great grandmother's sewing machine from the 1960s. The casing on the outside had begun to peel but the machine on the inside was perfectly preserved. I remember being so excited to finally reveal the contents of the box that I ran and asked my mother what was inside. She sat me down and told me how my great great grandmother was an amazing seamstress who would always make us beautiful dresses.

Throughout the next 10 years I'd go back to that closet to look at it. 2016 was when I finally started to become unafraid to express myself. This is when I decided it was time to continue the legacy of my great great grandmother. Taking the sewing machine out of the box and plugging it in not only sparked the machine to turn on as electricity does but sparked something in me that we referrer to as a calling. I would pick up my scissors in one hand and the fabric in the other for the first time and start my journey on what I wanted to be.

From this point on I would teach myself how to sew. I began to teach myself different stitches, how to thread a bobbin, and how to make ruffles, pleats, gather and so much more. With other things I'd simply just go for it. I found it to be more of a creative outlet and process when nothing held me back from creating what I envisioned in my head. Sewing gave me the creative space to express myself anyway I pleased. No one could tell me what kind of seamstress and designer I had to be but for the first time this was a space that was all mine. Away from the confinement of what my community expected me to be. With my scissors in one hand and my fabric in the other I would cut and hope for the best.

As I continued to create dress after dress and gown after gown I finally felt the support of not only my family but friends and even strangers. My grandmother and other seasoned seamstresses even started to show me their own techniques. They taught me how to do maintenance on my machine. What fabric worked best, how to install zippers and so many more things that I wouldn't have known without their guidance. At that point my spark for sewing and creating things with my own hands was fully ignited. I no longer had to ask myself what I wanted to be because I was doing it!

Today I can look back and be proud of stepping outside the parameters of life I was presented with. Being able to make gowns, other clothing, and even smaller crafts like bags, baby wear, blankets and so much more were the stepping stone into my creative life today. I have been able to costume for well known theatres in my community, I've had opportunities to design dresses for people who live thousands of miles away from me and overall show those that are close to me that it's okay to step outside of your comfort zone and do what you love.

Now at 21 my appreciation for my craft and others is unmeasurable. I wish I could go back and have that same Euphoric spark of creation when I completed my first sewing project. Posing the question again of “What do you want to be?” doesn't phase me anymore. Not only do I know what I want to be but who I want to be and that is an Artist furthermore an amazing seamstress! What pushes me to keep going is the thought of picking up my scissors and making something so beautiful it is admired by many and keeps my spark for creativity ignited. All in all thank you to the little girl who discovered the sewing machine tucked away in the closet.