Unforgettable Lesson That Set Me up for Success

One of the remarkable things that encourage the willingness to succeed is having the alone moment to reflect on one’s journey.

Every now and then, I tend to sit back and pull my thoughts together. Taking note of things I did wrong, how they reflect on my daily activities. My screw-ups are my greatest inspiration.

Some of my mistakes have shaped my personality and relationships with people.

As I reminiscence over the moments of peace, love, aggression, and connection to which I am grateful, I couldn’t help but notice how much I have grown over my years on earth.

Here are five of the most memorable experiences that have helped me become a better version of myself and to strive for the best in life.

1. The most priceless gift to have is an unconditional love

I’m one of those parents who take discipline very seriously. Some even say I’m too strict. I’m impatient and harsh, especially when my tantrum kicks in.

Suffice to say; I wasn’t a loveable person to my daughter. I would scold and flog her whenever she did something wrong or simply played like a child she was. I always went by the dictum “spare the rod and spoil the child.”

But no matter how badly I treated my daughter, she would always ask for a hug or kiss after crying.

Slowly her love and warmth overshadowed my hardened heart. Now we are two inseparable friends.

My daughter taught me how to love without expecting something in return. She also taught me how to control my temperament, which has saved my relationship with people from falling apart.

2. Some people are born into green pastures, there’s no need to be jealous

My 6th-grade friend was intimidatingly talented in solving arithmetic. She was genetically endowed with brains, including the fact that both her parents were doctors.

Whenever a new topic was taught in class, she was the only person that understood what the teacher said immediately.

Since kindergarten- when I first became her classmate, she never missed taking 1st position. Everyone in class used to be jealous of her, including me, well, until we became friends.

At the time, I thought I was unlucky to be born a dummy. Whenever my friends did better than me, I would feel like a loser.

Then I grew up to realize everyone has different stars. Ecclesiastes 9:11 explicitly says, “that the race is not to the swift…but time and chance happeneth to them all.”

Growing up and getting wise, I associate with people who are on the upper ladder in my career. We exchange business strategies and build up one another. But I never do envy or jealous because I know time and opportunity show up for everyone differently.

3. We are the master of our faith

My dad lost his patients before the age of nine. My uncles made life a living hell for my dad, so he ran away from home and joined slaves who worked for a prominent businessman in our community.

As an orphan, he did all sorts of jobs to survive, carpentry, brick layering, mechanic, and hawking. Before, he was introduced to an international shoemaker who took him in as an apprentice.

When he became successful, he helped his brothers, the same ones whose fathers maltreated him.

You can say I was born with a silver spoon, but that did not contribute to my success. My dad left a will but didn’t include his female children in his will. I toiled and endured many hardships before I made my first $1000.

While my elder and younger brothers were sent abroad, my sisters and I did not have such luxury.

My dad was a typical African man who believed a woman’s income should be provided by her husband, so he only ensured we had a first degree as a backup.

Thanks to his principles and life struggles, I’ve learned never to depend on anyone.

4. The first step to destruction is invested pride

I’m extremely self-willed, but sometimes I confuse determination with pride.

In 2006, I bought a second-hand phone from a close family friend. That was when new phones were very expensive.

I was going through depression, so I thought it would be better to get involved with the latest technology, reach out to my old friends and be present.

It turned out the phone I bought from my family friend had an engine problem and she didn’t tell me. When I told her I wanted to return the phone so she could refund me, she refused, saying the deal was already done.

I got upset and disappointed. In my anger, I said some things I regretted. That broke my relationship with my family friend, and it never recovered to date.

Out of my pride, I refused to mend our differences. I felt betrayed, so I don’t bother giving our relationship a second chance.

I have learned that betrayal is common among people close to us. And that we reject forgiveness because we want to keep our pride intact.

Now I forgive people who offend me without them even asking. This way, I won’t feed my ego and wallow in silent misery.

5. The purpose of life is not to be happy but to be useful and make a difference

It was both painful and a relief. It was painful because it meant letting go of my firm belief to achieve some kind of perfect illusion.

And a relief mainly because it meant that my bad experiences, arrogance, anger, sadness, despair, all these emotions I held on to were meant to evolve into something empowering.

Traumatic experience brings out bravery in people. When I was going through depression, I lost faith in myself and in the ones I loved. But it was also the time I found spiritual awakening.

Now when I think about my past, I feel proud and blessed to have lived to tell tales. Thanks to those experiences, I’ve helped more people to find their self-worth. I have helped some heal, and I’ve given hope to those who lost faith in God.

It’s a hard road to change patterns we’ve repeated all of our lives, but it’s a satisfying journey when you take the risk of changing any perception that’s holding you back from achieving your vision.

I’m finally becoming the person I’ve always wanted to be. I know there will always be a storm to cross, but how I choose to react to life challenges is entirely up to me.

So, use your mistakes as a sword rather than armor. Treat failures as an opportunity to believe more in yourself rather than doubt and sulk. And remember, your experience is intended to make you wiser.

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Jessey Anthony is a motivational speaker, fitness coach and relationship expert who helps people become confident in themselves in any challenges they face in life. Sign up to my newsletter & more cool stuff.

Published on Medium