To Everyone Whose Hit Rock Bottom

I start my day off by writing(typing) what’s on my mind. What’s in my mind right now? Nothing to be honest. But I can tell you what I’m currently doing. I’m laying down on my younger sister’s bed next to Kayden, my nephew. He’s fussy. I didn’t know humans can be so fussy at six months. Some never outgrow it…

Anyways…writing always calms me down. I write all the time whenever I have the chance. Laying quietly under the roof on a hot summer day my mind wanders in Holiness and the thumbs type away, word after word, while I make sure that what I’m typing makes sense.

I started writing when I was seven after I was gifted a small five section notebook with a blue transparent front cover and cardboard back cover. I drew and wrote comic strips, jokes, and poked fun at my little sister (whom I love dearly) by writing stuff like ‘she stinks’ and what not. I also wrote a short story about a boy being chased by a man. I forgot the details, but what I do remember is the boy defeats the man by hiding in the bush and spraying him with a hose, and throwing rocks at him. The man ends up going to jail. It’s a fond memory now and I believe the notebook is lost. Anyway, after that notebook I stopped writing for a couple of years until I was twelve and had to do creative writing for my eighth grade English class. It was early in my rebellion phase and everything I wrote was about fights with my father and the pondering of life. The notebook that contained those passages was a one subject eighty page notebook with a green front cover and cardboard back cover. That notebook ended up in the garbage after I outgrew that phase.

A few years later in the middle of my teenage years I started writing again after the end of my sophomore or junior year. I had a composition notebook that had a few written pages (I rarely took notes in high school) and I decided to rip those pages out and write my thoughts. Those thoughts were suicide thoughts, heartbreak thoughts, overall sad, and hopeful thoughts, with a hint of comedy. I still have that book and eventually titled it Volume I after finishing my sixth notebook ever, which is titled Volume III. I got the inspiration for the titles from Led Zeppelin’s first four albums.

For you who are keeping track of my notebooks, you’re sweet, and I’ll make it make sense. Okay, so Volume I is my third notebook and Volume III is my sixth notebook. Wait. What? Why? That’s because my fifth notebook I titled Volume 2.5.

When I was nineteen I was a mess, I had been a mess for a couple of years, and the debauchary had reached its boiling point. The result: I lost the love of my life and a friend. The next day I decided to go to Mexico. I had to. I needed to be sane again. Two weeks later I arrived in Mexico City and stayed at my aunt’s house in Cholula, Puebla for a year. Volume 2.5 has my experiences and observations of the county and cities, poems, diary entries, and a couple of sad, but hopeful entries. I also taught myself guitar and wrote a few songs in that book.

Now back to the future. Back to the U.S. I’m currently writing Volume VI and it’s about a young man’s view on life. That young man is me. I’m twenty-three now and since my decision to change myself I’ve been growing spiritually in Christ. I’m a Christian and I don’t regret it. I have a new love for writing and with the mind, heart, and soul of Christ I’m able to write anything I desire without having to beat my head for ideas. And I no longer write to express my feelings, or because I’m sad, or because I need a to-do list for myself because I didn’t have a hold on my life due to my addictions. I write to inspire everyone who went through what I went through or whose going through a sad phase right now; to everyone whose hit rock bottom. (I’m here for you.)

So, what do I love to do? What brings me serenity? Writing. Everyday. In my notebook, in my phone, wherever I am. Always and forever.