This Message Was Meant To Find You!

If you’re reading this right now, this message is meant for you.

...Got you to click on it, didn’t I?

These seemingly personal, clickbait titles are what drew me into the alluring world of tarot card readings via the YouTube platform. Though I’ve always been a spiritual being at heart, tarot was admittedly never something I could quite wrap my head around.

As a child of the 90’s, Miss Cleo’s hilarious catchphrase "Call Mi Now!" was pretty much the extent of my knowledge in the area.

But the lack of comprehension of a particular subject has never been a deterrent for my curiosity, especially when it presents itself as a much needed solution. And what, you might ask, would make a concept I had previously deemed nonsensical suddenly become the basis of which I would begin to derive my every thought?

Well a major crisis in the love department is a pretty good catalyst, at least in my experience it was.

Ever been at a crossroad between two lovers that you knew had the potential to shape your life in an unprecedented way? Pretty life altering stuff, I bet some guidance would be much appreciated in that case wouldn’t it?

Well before I explain my experience with the phenomenon, let’s first ask ourselves "What the heck is tarot?".

Tarot is a deck of cards, each card depicting its own imagery, symbolism, and story. People with self proclaimed gifts of insight and intuition use them as a tool for which to provide guidance, usually in the areas of love, career, goals, and general life paths. The cards are purely up to the interpretation of the tarot readers, and merely a visual aid for their intuition.

All caught up now, are we? Good, back to me.

About two years into my twenties I became consumed with the idea of finding my soulmate. My world was a lonely one, and knowing my other half was somewhere waiting to be found was a fuel that drove me during my darkest days.

Tarot card readings proved to be the only means of information on the topic, so I began to flock to them. And the more I consumed, the more they were advertised to me.

"Your Soulmate Is Waiting To Make His Move!"

"Look Out, They’re Closer Than You Think!"

"A Past Lover Is Considering Reconciliation"

I searched for love with such a scrutiny, that even the slightest of imperfections (pineapple on your pizza, ew!) would turn me away from potential suitors.

However this story isn’t an exposé on the evils of tarot. Quite the opposite actually.

With the guidance of daily tarot card readings I actually did manage to find love. It gave me the push to hold out for the perfect guy, and I found just that. The man of my dreams, the one that checked every requirement on my list!

The issue I came to realize after I got everything I ever wanted, was the inability to trust my own intuition.

Disagreements with my partner would arise, and instead of opting for a resolution I would seek answers in tarot card readings. Every intrenal question I had, I depended on tarot to clarify them for me. Tell me what to do, guide me. It become an addiction. A fear to make my own decisions, because my inner voice began to clash with the tarot readings I had already confirmed were accurate.

The weaker my personal resolve got, the more dependent I became on those quick fix answers.

Soon the very thing that had aided in my pursuit of happiness, became the means of my own self destruction. I began to question everything in my life.

‘Is this the right career path for me?’

‘Is there money in my near future?’

‘How will I make that money?’

‘Will I be happy this week?’

‘Will I be happy next week?’

Flaws were evident all around me, and inevitably the magnifying glass was turned onto my partner.

I deemed every misunderstanding between us as signs we weren’t meant to be together. If a soulmate was perfection incarnate, then why were we having these meaningless squabbles?

Even though I had found ‘the one’, my favorite tarot readers were still pumping out soulmate readings. Why was I still resonating with these if I had already found my person? Did I make a mistake?

I then discovered the terms ‘karmic partner’ and ‘twin flame’ as they were becoming increasingly popular in the tarot community. Though similar in nature, a twin flame is presumably a divine counterpart and a karmic partner has traits of your twin flame but is actually an imposter.

It drove me insane, quite literally. I watched video after video on the topic of twin flames daily.

I began to think my boyfriend was a karmic partner, merely an illusion of my twin flame sent to confuse me.

My favorite tarot reader began implanting the idea into my head that I had already met my twin flame in a past relationship. I began to obsess over who that could’ve been. My ex who would man-splain how to read the menu when we would go out to dinners? The ex that would lie about the color of the sky when given the chance? In the end it turned out to be a failed ‘friends with benefits’ endeavor I’d long discarded.

Surely we hadn’t worked out for a reason. He sold Pokémon cards for a living and still begrudgingly lived with his mother!

But the words from my favorite tarot reader was law at that point, and I had to act accordingly.

I began to find fault in everything "wrong" my partner did, and internally what had once repelled me from my ex became inconsequential. If he was to be my twin flame, I’d take him as is.

In this long downward spiral of crazy I would manage to find my sanity eventually. The readings started to become redundant and repetitive. I wasn’t getting the same feeling of peace I once used them for in the beginning. Somewhere along the way I realized I wasn’t considering my own thoughts and feelings.

I was finally happy with my partner, and for the first time in my life I was able to visualize a future for myself. Yet there I was sabotaging it because of guidance from people I didn’t know on the internet.

It was a hard realization to come to, and an even harder world to separate myself from. What would I do without the answer to all my problems at my fingertips? I’d be lost!

But I’d come to realize I wouldn’t be lost at all, I would find myself.

I slipped out of the tarot community cold turkey. I unsubscribed from all my favorite content creators and combed my YouTube recommendations for any tarot readings and blocked them all.

After losing my coping mechanism, finding the inner strength to make decisions on my own slowly returned to me. The connection between my boyfriend and I became stronger as I began to understand him as an individual, and not under the constraints of what I believed a "soulmate" was.

The draw I had to my ex disapated as I saw him for what he truly was to me. A person from my past, that needed room to grow as a human being on his own journey. Life became clearer to me the more I sought to find the answers within myself.

There’s an episode of "The Twilight Zone" (season 2, episode 7) titled ‘The Nick of Time’.

It depicts a newlywed couple that makes a stop in a small town to remedy some automobile issues. During their dinner in the local diner, they discover a fortune telling machine that is eerily accurate. The husband becomes obsessed with the machine and it’s fortune telling power. His wife is then forced to express her concern for him, and points out that the fortunes are incredibly vague and only possess the power he chooses to give them.

They leave the town happily on their way to begin their new life together.

As the episode ends another couple enters the diner in a disheveled state. They consult the machine and beg for it to tell them when they will be allowed to leave to town. The machine continues to provide vague fortunes, conveying the message to the viewer that the couple isn’t trapped in the town, they are simply bound by the fear of deciding their own fate.

All in all, this experience has taught me that the answers we seek are always within us.

Your life is truly what you make it, so in the iconic words of Hannah Montana "Let’s make it rock!".