The X's and O's of my life

Something I have learned about life is that one never knows when a thought can absolutely turn your life in a direction that impacts your soul. That thought, that moment in time, is the catalyst to the intangible desires of your heart.

In the summer of 1986 I decided that I would quit smoking. I was 29 years old and had been smoking Kool 100's ( you are what you smoke) for about 10 years. But as of late I was watching my beloved Grandfather struggle with his emphysema. Grandpa was 74 at the time and although he had quit smoking by this time the effects of his habit were heart wrenching to watch as he struggled to breathe. I didn't want to live or die the way he did.

I had my plan all in place, I was going to quit smoking on my weekend to work to keep my mind and hands busy the first 48 hours. Friday before I went to bed I cleaned out the ashtray in my car as well as throwing away all paraphernalia and destroying the remaining cigarettes. I had an ample supply of mints and gum and I knew I could do this cold turkey. I had to do it this way because I loved smoking so much and I didn't want to fail.

I got up the next morning and ate a nice breakfast and off to the hospital I went. I was a pharmacy technician at the time and my rounds in the morning kept me busy. Right before quitting time I had to run up to one of the units and on my way back I saw a lady doing something interesting in the waiting room. I went in and asked her what she was doing and she explained she was cross stitching. She gave me the basics and said the best way to learn was to buy a kit at the hobby shop. I thanked her and on the way home I stopped at the craft store and picked up a kit. It was a basket with apples in it. I couldn't wait to get home to open it up and give it a go.

Well it is safe to say that the moment I opened the package I was hooked and I never looked back. I would spend hours and hours stitching and although I missed my cigarettes I was far more addicted to cross stitch then my Kool 100's, I stayed up way past many bedtimes stitching away. I spent breaks and lunches stitching. I found several ladies I worked with who crossed their stitches also and always looked forward to talking with them about ongoing or future projects.

I stitched all my emotions into my projects. When my father died, my beloved Grandpa died, all my sorrow was stitched into my projects. When life took the worst turns like my first marriage and then divorce, my needle, floss and scissors were always there for me.

Honestly I can say most of my life seemingly has been filled with tragedy and during all of it I turned to my cross stitch. There is something very soothing in the rhythm of stitching those little X's. I can feel the floss moving through the fabric, I can hear it whisper to me, "peace be with you". As I watch the design grow, I can think and move through the problems of life and if a knot in the floss or my life happens, I can remove it with skill before it gets too big.

As I have gotten older my happiness and peace has grown. I remarried and we bought a home. It has a sunroom which is where I adore stitching. When the weather is cold I have my own "Happy Room" that I stitch in. As for stash, oh my the basement wall is lined with every leaflet, book and magazine dedicated to cross stitch. I have a lifetime supply of fabric and various other doodads. I found a best friend who cross stitches with me even though we live in two different parts of the world. I have retired now and spend my days stitching and planning my stitching.

I look back today and I see lots and lots of happiness stitched together with tiny little X's. Life is filled with peace, with joy, with my heart's desire and all because of a lady in a waiting room at a hospital one day in 1986, the day I quit smoking.