The True Fight Within

I’ve seen friends die and friends grow but i still feel like a foe yet Triggered from so many things I can’t explain a sight, touch or sound that I use to think was linked to something broken. It's something in my head no doubt, A pandemic of mental strain thinking it was something loose or lost connections. unlike so many who have left these lands, I was given this second chance to build and dream again. My self-worth inside my head was at a place where I couldn’t face the world, doing all I could to stay indoors. No matter where I walked I felt like a painting on a gallery wall, I felt as if my life’s being streamed in a frame of my own self-worth. It’s my fault!! people’s eye’s they burn with judgement. It’s Like it's dripping down my face through emotions th.. they know!!

I use to feel like i couldn’t keep pace with the world beneath my feet, my breathing deepened as I try not panic or attract attention like getting milk and bread isn’t something normal. It was like nothing I ever did was right, everything running around as My mind is full and can't escape the tormented visions or thoughts i think about myself, My brain is trolling me from within, no matter what I say or do I’m wrong!! Like it's a game i do not hold the controller for.

I... I know I have my friends and family and know I'm not alone, bit being alone and feeling lonely are two separate roads I have walked for many years. Just trying to say or write what’s on the tip of my tongue just so people can see my point of view, and everything I try bury deep and say out loud but i do not want to hurt your soul with the burdens of my if’s and but's that seek me down and trap me in the corners of my mind. Replaying past events like it’s on every channel that I choose, all the thoughts, mistakes, failure’s and memories. These become the stakes i dare not bet. i try my best and get knocked back by something that to you must seem so small. I've analysed my wrongs and rights but it never seems to go the way i like. The things that work for me may not for you just trying to find the things that help me through.

I woke up with a new frame of mind to fight the battles of my mind to use the things that kept me down to be the things that pushed me forward and realised I make control my future. My past may have got me to where I am, only I hold the key to how they define me. I decided to let the things I cannot change have no control over the things than push me forward, I do not worry about the things I cannot change so i do not attach any emotional state something that is out of my control. Why should I give the power over something I cannot change to something that would see my fail and hide. It feels like I’ve lived a thousand stories and walked a 100 roads. I will not let myself drift away without being the best I believe to be, I will walk more paths than ever before. All I can do help others along the way as I build a better me and do what I love doing along the way, motivation, strength, power and determination guide me to what makes me happy to be me.

To me all these things are the power of human nature. Even in these trying times from miles away or gardens close, we found new ways to challenge our brain and stay connected with living room gigs And that little simple walk across the land or even just a helping hand that means the world to someone like me. I woke up after trying not to be here and built a stronger better me for me. Only you know what you want from life so aim for the brighter future and help others along the way because you never know who just might need a helping hand, be you, stay blessed and as always have fun and enjoy your life your way.