The Things I’m Proud I’ve Done

I’ve been an overachiever all my life. It never seemed that hard to focus, to work diligently to complete a task, and then show what I’d learned.

I am built for school. I love learning and I’m good at memorizing. I’m good at regurgitating information. I’m also good at critical thinking.

For every semester of post secondary schooling, I received a letter telling me I’d made honours and the dean’s list. These letters were important for some, I’m certain. For me, I always felt like they were a bit of a “so what”? So what I’d done well. Wasn’t that what I was supposed to be doing? That was why I was in school, to do well, graduate, get a job, be a success. Right?

Except, that’s not what happened, exactly. I succeeded at school, I graduated, and I got a job, which I hated. I went back to school, tried again, graduated, and couldn’t find a job. I ended up delivering pizzas. A mentor of mine pulled a few strings, got me back into school once more, where I earned my MA.

A moment of pride here: I graduated after creating a project which had never been done before. I wasn’t just getting through school, doing well, but I was thriving and shining!

But, while I managed to shine, my personal life was falling apart. Illness struck many of my loved ones. I felt enormous responsibility to be there and hold things together. My body kicked itself into flight or fight gear and I couldn’t find a way out.

Cut to graduation. I did not get a job. I got depressed and filled with anxiety. After several years of hard work. Hard, hard, hard work... I am feeling more normal. So, now, a list of the small accomplishments that feel big. And, the things that taught me to slow down a little and take life one piece at a time.

1. I wrote a novel. Ok, so, this is a big deal. I even got a publisher. Unfortunately, said publisher closed, but I republished the novel in my own, designing the cover and every thing. You can find it in paperback and digital formats. It’s titled, “Inn Love” .

2. I self published 2 books of poetry. “The Weight of Nectar” and “Warrior Woman Wildflower”.

3. I remembered to eat.

4. I pushed myself to exercise more.

5. I sold 5 pieces of art.

6. I took my antidepressants every, dang, day!

7. I worked on communication between myself and my husband.

8. I take more showers than I did.

9. I bought moisturizer for my face and I use it every day.

10. I brush my dog’s teeth each night before bed.

11. I learned how to meditate.

12. I started posting stories on Vocal and sharing my work more.

13. I created a colouring book. It’s not published yet, but I created it.

14. I take my vitamins.

15. I drink water.

16. I keep in touch with my doctor.

17. I saw a therapist.

18. I work hard at raising awareness for my work.

19. I encourage others through their hard times.

20. I haven’t given up.

I have wanted to give up. Trust. Me. So many times I said “I don’t want to do this any more.” And “I want a rest.” Sometimes I rested, but I kept going. Support from loved ones really helped.

Looking back over this list, I guess some things are big accomplishments and some are small. Quite honestly, the small ones feel bigger, because they were so much harder to accomplish. When getting out of bed each morning is all you can manage, be proud. You aren’t giving up. And I know just how hard getting out of that bed can be.

What are you most proud of? What are your proudest accomplishments?

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