The Mirror has Two Faces

When you look in the mirror what do you see? If you're like me, it might depend on the day. Some days I'm a fierce warrior ready to take on anything the world has to throw at me. Other days my reflection pleads for me to stay inside so others don't have to witness my splotchy skin, untamed hair and my mismatched pajamas.

Really what we see isn't always the person we show to others. It also isn't what other people see. We judge ourselves a lot and severely. How many of you have heard some version of "you are your own worst critic" or "when I look at you all I see is beautiful."

To which my internal response is always "of course you do... you care about me so you'd never tell me how you really feel." If this sounds familiar I am going to ask you to put down your walls, shields or whatever it is you use to protect yourself and be a little vulnerable with me.

Confession- I might doubt compliments but I whole heartedly agree that I am my own worst critic. Hands down! After much soul searching and self-analysis, I figured out the reason I pick apart everything I do, and everything that I am. It might help explain if I give you an example. You know the stereotype that fat people are funny and many fatties (like myself) will tell you that the reason I make jokes about my weight is because I will make them before other people can. At least that way I am laughing with them rather than being laughed at

It's like that, I will pick apart and judge myself before other people can, so that when they do I am prepared. I envision someone approaching me to tell me how ugly I am or the things that I do are worthless, that I am worthless. Then I will tell them "I know" -validating their judgement and putting their opinion over mine. How screwed up is that?!?! AND did you notice that I said "when". When people pick me apart. I automatically think people are judging me!! WTF! Nuts to that! Why do other people get to feel better about looking down on me?

I decide to draw the line here! Much like in the Wizard of Oz when Glinda told the Wicked Witch of the West "You have no power here! Begone before someone drops a house on you!" That is what I am telling my internal judgments and any judgments coming from others (real or imagined).

I say imagined because often it is my thoughts telling me that people are thinking bad things about be. I know we all do it....True story-Not long after New Years a man in my office stopped me as I was leaving to ask me if I knew anyone that wanted to get in shape and gave me his card as a personal trainer. I hadn't seen nor heard him talk to anyone else in the office (as I am surrounded by thin and fit members of society). My thought was that he has a problem with my weight and that is why he gave me his card. He sees my weight as something to be changed. "She must want to lose weight because who could ever want to be fat."

If given the option, I wouldn't choose to be fat but I am and it isn't a bad thing. Being fat doesn't give others the right to lock me away in the bell tower like Quasimodo so I am hidden from the world. Screw that!! I don't need to be thin to be beautiful, attractive, desired or loved. BUT it was my thought that put a whole narrative with his question. Me! not him! I assumed the worst. Honestly I have no idea what he was thinking.

I am going to challenge myself this week and I invite you to do it with me. There are 2 parts.

Part 1: Write down 5 things you like about yourself. Dig down deep if you have to. Hopefully you won't but start out small if you want. Maybe you like how long your eyelashes are or the shape of your fingernails. Whatever it is 5 things you like and I want you to look in the mirror and tell yourself that list everyday. As many times as you want but at least once a day. Also, if you're having a negative thought about yourself I want you to read the list again and remind yourself how wonderful you are.

Part 2: If someone judges you (real or imagined) mentally tell them what Glinda said, "You have no power here! Begone before someone drops a house on you!"

Here's my list of 5.

1. I like my eyes.
2. I like my laugh.
3. I like my smile.
4. I like my ability to be a supportive friend.
5. I like my style.

Good luck! You got this!!