The Longest Run

The Longest Run

I was 19 years old in the summer of 2006 when I wanted to run 50 miles in one night in central Florida. Honestly, it was the spur of the moment decision I made. Yet, that night is still remembered by everyone I told. It’s funny how big time decisions that you know are for your good have such a short window of decision-making. It’s as if God wants you to have full trust for only that small amount of time. It’s as if it’s to prove that you’re ready to not doubt anymore. You simply never know when your big time decision will come. You just can’t ever afford to doubt it for that split second.

The previous summer, my parents got a divorce. My father was having affairs and was planning on sticking with the one he was with. My mother’s desire for vengeance was just as strong as my father’s desire for women.

“I’ll take your family away from you!” My mother said when she found out.

I hadn’t seen my father for over a year. I just got done with my freshman year in college and decided not to share into my roommate’s debaucherous lifestyle. The devil was throwing everything he could at me. My parents kept me and my siblings in private Catholic schools up till college because they didn’t want us around ‘lowly’ public schoolers who did drugs and ended up as ‘losers.’ This was ironic since my father later told me that he used to do drugs with my mom when they first met. I guess their desire for us to be raised in the Catholic tradition was a hopeful impulse to cover their own tracks. I didn’t find it entirely useless though.

Naivety, though, can have a hefty cost if you were in my situation. My parents preached to us to not have pre-marital sex, and I had no doubt in my mind that I had to live by that. I wanted the same for my little brother as well but he clung onto the dominance of my older sister who made her own decisions. She was living with her boyfriend who was not her first in bed. She had boyfriends in her pre-college life but it never went further than kissing. She also preached to me and my brother to never let anything go further than lip-locking. But once we went to a secular college, her dominant personality along with her sheltered environment mixed in with the vices of the world. Instead of running away from it, she ran toward it. My brother would end up doing the same when his turn would come. Yet, it didn’t in 2006 and I had to find out who God truly was, and I wanted to know the plans He had for my life.

I was a nobody my entire freshman year, both in school and at home. My roommate seemed to provide the only solace to what I was going through but I knew in my heart that he wasn’t giving the greatest advice.

“I got some weed if you want to feel better” his best friend once offered me.

I knew that the only way I could remain sane was to make the right friends. Yet all the right friends came from stable families and couldn’t relate to what I was going through. All the other students who could relate to me were already smoking who knows what and having multiple sexual partners. For me, it didn’t seem right. I had to stick to the friends who couldn’t relate to me. I just had to. It was the loneliest decision to make but it had to be made.

Running was my true solace. It was just me and God. I was on the cross country team for my college. I was one of the slowest runners on the team, but I was also the only one who showed up to every practice on time and fully ready to go. I wish I was the fastest but I also knew I needed a mentor to keep me running in the off season in order to be fully ready to compete with the top runners. I needed a father-figure who could encourage me when I needed it. It never came but I just kept on going in every run I managed to do. It never bothered me if I was lagging behind the others on long runs. I just enjoyed each run to the fullest. But I needed to feel that I was the best. I wasn’t winning any races or standing out enough to anyone. I just really needed to though. It was absolutely critical to just feel like a somebody in such a situation of despair with all the temptations to run in the wrong direction. I just didn’t know how.

When the summer came and I went back home to my unstable family, I only wanted to run. I was able to master my timings for my runs right before a shouting match would happen in the house. I just knew it would come and my timing couldn’t have been more impeccable. I had no real goal in mind except to both get away from the house and to help prepare myself for the competitive season. Yet, the same nagging feelings kept coming to me.

‘I got to be a somebody! Only the students from stable households are succeeding! I want to be like them! Oh God, are you there!? Do you even hear what I’m saying!?’

I planned one of those running weeks to be where I would run ten miles a day for five days a week. I didn’t know which days in a row or if there would be a rest day.

I started the first day and felt great. Then the very next day I ran another ten miles. Still, I didn’t feel tired. Then I did the same thing the next day. And then the next. Finally, I did it for the fifth day in a row. I had an extraordinary sense of pride in me and I was telling other family members about it. But their excitement vanished after 30 seconds only to remind me that so and so on TV ran something like that too.

If I didn’t feel important to my family then what was the point of family? I thought the very essence of family was for support and guidance. I wasn’t getting that. If I let my ‘mediocre’ accomplishment pass over them then I would easily get sucked into their manipulation, recklessness, and obvious vices because I would subconsciously want that ‘feeling of importance.’

I had to ask myself ‘Is it possible for such a lonely person to keep the idea that family is good without actually getting any good feelings from my own family? Is it possible that I could avoid a debaucherous lifestyle? Is it possible that God can spare me?’

The next day, a quick thought entered my mind.

‘What if I run 50 miles tomorrow? That would be 100 miles in one week! Nobody on my cross country team could ever do that! There’s no way I wouldn’t turn heads in my family!’

Then the ‘but why’ thought entered my head. I just had a strong gut feeling that it was time to not be afraid or to second guess that thought. If I wanted to be a somebody then I had to immediately agree to a crazy thought that felt great. It felt great because I felt it could answer those questions I had.

“Mom, I’m going to run 50 miles tonight. I’ll see you in the morning” I casually told my mother.

“That’s fine” she said, not even giving it a second thought.

I always wanted attention and she gave a subconscious response. But this time I was not saying something outlandishly. I just needed to slip that note to someone in my family because I couldn’t control my excitement over the thought.

At 10:30PM, I parked my car at the rest stop off the Rinehart Road and Lake Mary Boulevard intersections in Lake Mary, Florida. I knew all the distances from my home all the way to Rollins College in Winter Park, with a little further distance to make it 25 miles one way and then to run the same way back. All I had was a plastic ziplock bag that had my cell phone for emergencies and my debit card to buy refreshments at 24-hour gas stations along the way.The humidity caused my water bottle to turn warm and wasn’t much use. I would rely on gulping down the cold ones at the gas stations to keep me properly hydrated.

I started running at a moderate pace. There was nobody on the road, which was unusual for a Saturday night. I ran the three miles to reach State Road 17-92 and turned right. I knew I would stay on that road all the way to Fairbanks Avenue in Winter Park.

The only people I saw were coming out of strip clubs or bars. I wanted to share with them my thrilling run but I had to stay focused. I hit five miles and then ten miles. The first ten miles felt amazing. After I hit the 13.1 miles for the half-marathon mark, my body started to feel a little tired. I started to stop at every gas station to take a break and then continue running. My body was starting to run slower and stop more.

I hit Fairbanks Avenue and turned left. I was only about two miles from the main entrance at my college campus. It was nearing 2:00AM.

Then I finally reached the entrance of my college campus. I just ran 20 miles and had nothing left. I knew it. In complete humility, I got down on one knee to see if God was truly there.

“Just keep on going, Jon. Just keep on going” I heard Him say to me.

I stood up and immediately felt that I hadn’t run at all and had a completely new form of energy. This supernatural feeling just felt so tangible and, in an ironic sense, ineffable.

I started to have visions of the purpose of my life. I saw myself not only accomplishing more than anyone in my family but also anyone in my group of friends.

“Is it really possible, God!?” I asked in return.

‘Trust in me.’

“I will!” I said.

I then started to have visions of what my life partner would be like one day. I wanted her to have the same value system as me. I wanted her to pray like me and trust God like me. I mostly just wanted her to be the mother of my children who could give the same nurturing love that I’d always hoped for in a mother. The more I thought of it then the more realistic it became. The problem was that I didn’t see those qualities in any of the girls I was prospecting on my campus. I had no idea when that time would come.

‘Give her to me soon, God, or else I’ll get too many temptations and end up being with the wrong person’ I kept insisting to God.

All I got in a response was simply to trust Him.

Nevertheless, I was able to keep running. I passed my college, ran past the sports fields from Winter Park High School, and got onto the marked bike path of Cady Way. I just needed to run four more miles to get to my halfway point.

I was scared for sure, but I was even more excited. I was excited because I knew nobody on my running team would ever do what I was doing. Nobody I ever met would ever do it. It fueled me.

I got to the halfway point and saw a homeless man peacefully sleeping in the gazebo near the water fountain inside. I was then within the city borders of Orlando. I said hi to him but he had no response.

On my way back, I felt a large amount of water in my shoes. I stopped to take my socks off. They were completely soaked in sweat. I looked at my feet and they looked like sponges that were ready to take in every potential cut and blister. I squeezed all the sweat out in hopes that it could keep me going. Oh God, I prayed to keep on going as God told me.

And then another miracle happened unexpectedly. As I was on my way to finish off the Cady Way Trail, a couple of drunkards from an apartment building across the way saw me running.

“Keep on going, buddy! Just keep on going!”

The mannerism was completely casual, but the words were the same from God when I prayed! How could that be!? It made me feel that God was with me every step of the way! I just had to keep on going!’

At about 4:00AM, I came back to the entrance of my college campus and went to the gas station across the street. I went inside the bathroom to look at the aching pains between my arms and legs. They were completely chafed. There were just lines of red between my arms and legs. I bought some moisturizer and put it on. I decided to wait a little bit to let it work. But then I was on my way again.

I got outside and noticed that daylight was rising. I had been running all night! I had 30 miles down and only needed 20 more to go! This positive reinforcement was something for me to hang onto.

As I was running, I saw the morning joggers running by as well. I was actually passing them! I absolutely wanted to tell them I was running all night!

But then the typical Florida rain and thunderstorms started to come. I didn’t want to risk my shoes getting wet again and having my already frustrating blisters from getting worse. I saw an unopened bar off 17-92 with an overhanging roof and took shelter until the rain quieted down.

Frustrated that it still kept raining after 15 minutes, I simply resumed.

As I started resuming, I felt a sense of fatigue like never before. I didn’t want to convince myself that I couldn’t make it so I kept singing Catholic hymns to myself, as well as famous Christian songs. It all became a blur, but I kept running.

I came to Lake Mary Boulevard and let out a very loud ‘Thank God!’ I only had three miles left!

But once I made that turn, my feet hurt like anything. I then convinced myself that I could walk the rest of the way but then I couldn’t even do that. I took my shoes off and saw my feet covered in blisters. I was done for sure and I knew it. It was 10:15AM and I had been running for nearly 12 hours for 47 miles.

I called my mom and told her where I was and for her to pick me up.

“Why are you there?” She asked.

“I just finished running 47 miles. I ran all night.”

“You what!? What on Earth did you just do!?”

“I was so close. I didn’t do it. I just couldn’t finish it.”

“My God! You ran 47 miles!? I’m coming right now!”

When she picked me up, she kept asking about it. Then when we got home, she immediately told the family about it and was calling others in the family to tell them. My disappointment in not finishing the full 50 miles vanished when I saw the reactions of my family. I finally felt like a somebody!

I can’t promise you that the next fifteen years of my life had my family restored. It’s still broken. But that doesn’t mean that I feel that way about myself. I did indeed wait till marriage to have sex and not do any drugs. I’ve managed to travel to 35 countries, climb to the top of Mount Kilimanjaro, and shake hands with two US Presidents. But for running, my most proud moment came when I ran my first official marathon in Walt Disney World in Orlando. I finished just under my goal of four hours. I then ran another marathon after that along with four half-marathons. But sooner or later, busy schedules and injuries caused me to be on and off of running. And now, at 34 years old, I just started running again after a 1.5 years gap of not running.

I’m married to an absolutely amazing wife who I know will be the greatest mother. She’s eight months pregnant and about to give birth to our daughter.

Yet, there are similar agonizing questions that I had when I was 19 before running my 50 miles that are now coming back to me as I’m about to become a father.

‘Will my daughter feel that God is with her? Can she go through life in the same value system my parents tried to raise me in? Will she feel like a somebody?’

But then I understand the answer that I could give her when her time comes.

“Go for a run, sweetheart. Just keep on going.”