The Journey to Inner Peace

Each and every person in the world has their own activity that brings them inner peace. For some people, that activity may be death defying adrenaline spiking stunts. For others, that activity may just be as simplistic as yoga. Some call people crazy for participating in activities such as sky diving, saying that how could something so terrifying bring them inner peace. I just so happen to be one those people. You could not get me to go sky diving even if you offered me a million dollars. I still wonder why someone would choose to willingly jump out of a plane and free fall several thousand feet towards the ground.

What most people tend to first picture when they hear the words what activity brings someone inner peace, they typically think of zen topics such as yoga or meditation. The truth is everyone is unique and because everyone is unique, the activity that brings them inner peace is unique to them as well.

Personally, the activity that brings me inner peace is called by the complicated named of equestrian, aka in more simplistic terms, horseback riding. The truth is, the journey for me to finally realize how much this sport gives me inner peace is a long and bumpy road, full of dead ends and retracing old footsteps.

I was first captivated with the thought of sitting on a horse’s back as a young girl, sitting on a back of a carnival pony that only walked in circles. It was from that moment I was hooked for life, and it was at that moment my father cried because of his soon to be broken wallet.

I had my first official riding lesson when I was 5, being led around by my riding instructor on a small pony. I continued riding at that barn until fear reared its ugly head preventing me from growing into a better rider. And that’s when I took my first break from my love and joy, riding.

However, sorry dad’s wallet, it only took one year for the itch to need to be scratched again. And from then on, I religiously rode every week and went to horse camp each and every summer.

By the time I entered high school, I got my first horse. He was a sweet bay gelding with the barn name of Bug, which was quickly changed to Jack. He was lazy and would sleep flat out in his stall dead to the world and snoring. He was the light of my life during the dark abyss of hell that was high school. I had found my inner peace in every moment I spent on the back of Jack. I had no worries about school deadlines, no anxieties about looking good for people at school, and no stress. But it was then that fear and anxiety decided to form a partnership to crush this. I became a ball of stress over the activity that held my heart in its hands. I had no enjoyment anymore and I was going to sell Jack and give up my heart. Every riding lesson that occurred during my senior year of high school ended in tears and a tight chest. I had lost my passion for the sport that I fell in love with. I had lost my inner peace.

I entered college with Jack not being sold but with doubt still clouding my heart. Doubt that I wasn’t a good enough rider, that I couldn’t jump that big jump, that it’s too big and too scary, that I couldn’t ride Jack without having an anxiety attack.

I left freshman year of college with those same doubts but entered sophomore year with less doubts. I had found that summer a riding instructor who forced me to face my fears. She helped me become my own rock and because of this, I have grown as a person and a rider. I have become more confident and trusting in myself and Jack. And I have found my inner peace again, that is more concrete than ever before.

The point of this story is that not everyone has the same activity that brings them inner peace and more often than not, the activity that brings you inner peace challenges you in more ways than one. But in the end, once you have faced those fears, you grow into a better version of yourself and you are at peace.