The Dream

A faint pain of excitement floated through my body with joy of the coming day. To be overcome with anxiety would not be good, so I diligently forced the tormenting thoughts from invading my mind. I endured uncomfortable sleep the night before because of the deliberations that crept into my mind. I woke up feeling unfocused and my mind swarming with all kind of thoughts. I was only 9 years old at the time and never had to audition before. I thought to myself, “what if I mess up and forget my monologue then get rejected? All sorts of negative thoughts bombarded my mind as I sat on my bed attempting to get up. Twenty minutes had passed so I got up and dressed myself quickly at the sound of my mother calling me.

Reluctantly, I smeared lotion on my 58 pounds body while rehearsing my lines and prepared mentally for the task that was ahead of me. My mom had informed me that she would not be attending. After recalling all the negative words that my family spoke to me concerning my passion for acting, journalism and my dreams of becoming a Disney Channel Television actress I struggled to regain focus and to calm my mind. Then, at that moment I thought of Oprah Winfrey. She was the women I admired so much. She’s been through the same thing I went through, sexual violence yet she had the strength and courage I desire. After many school plays, I often stood outside of the Arena Players Theatre along with many others competitors who were auditioning. I was confident that I could conquer any obstacle facing me as well as eager and motivated to grow up into adulthood. I finally arrived at the moment. I became totally absorbed in the fact that the long obstacle was finally over and now I was about to take the big step. My Teacher Mrs. Cobert whispered in my ear and said, “Sweetheart, you didn’t come all this way to give up; you will do fine from now so go on.” I walked in with my teacher holding my small skinny hands. I composed myself as I looked over the crowd with exhilaration and excitement.

As I approached the stage, I was asked to step on the red line so I looked out at the crowd then thought, “This isn’t as bad as I thought I’ve performed in front of many people before in school.” I was then asked to “Slate” but at the time I didn’t know what the word “Slate” meant so I just stood there in silence and did not say a word. The gentleman before me looked confused then he plainly said with a bitterly high-pitched voice, “State your name!” I stated my name and he said, “Action!” Looking out at the crowd then brought me back to reality so I smiled and performed my piece. As I performed the monologue, I went into the character of an angry and hurt little girl. Seconds went by as my character became sarcastic and bitter. As my performance drew near the end, I cried uncontrollably and the anger built up and became sad. Towards the end, I heard someone coming inside so I tried to gather my composure. At that moment, the monologue ended. I exited the stage and all I could hear were loud applauses and conversations taking place.

The monologue only lasted for two minutes that I will never forget. As I walked to the backstage of the theatre, I felt more energized than when I first arrived on the stage. I felt powerful. I ran to my teacher as she hugged me with praises and approval.

However, despite my teacher’s affirmation, I rode back home in bitter silence because I knew my mom would not be happy for me. I began to have flashbacks of my hurtful past. I sat in the car thinking of my father who battled drug addiction and left my family years ago. While confronting my father’s departure, my mother’s boyfriend molested and physically and sexually abused me for years.

My teacher had no idea what was going on with me when she complimented me and said, “That performance you gave was awesome and it brought chills to my body!” I muscled up a smile yet remained silent. As we exited the car I then asked my teacher, “Now what?” She responded with only a few words, “Continue doing what you’re doing and be patience.” That said a lot to me. I knew in my heart that even though I had no support from my family-with exception of my older brother Antonio, I knew there was still hope for me.

In retrospect, I am thankful to be free from the negative effects of my childhood. My views about life and the rejection that I experienced from my family have changed considerably. I maintain a strong aspiration in those before me that continually mold me into the women I am today. My confidence is stronger than ever before and I have Oprah to thank for that, she taught me that no matter what you go through in life to never give up on your dreams. By the time I was three-years-old, I encountered physical and sexual abuse, and the abuse continued throughout my teenage years.

I wrote poetry to help me cope through those tough times in my life. In May of 2011 I ended up homeless shortly after the death of my grandmother. I found myself sleeping from house to house, homeless shelters, in apartment lobby’s and on some nights in the street while struggling to focus on school, days turned into months and months turned into years. I purposed in my heart I will not to be without a college education. My strength comes from my desire to create the life I want to live. I am determined to break the cycle of failure in my family, and determined to begin a new life of success, where I am economically self-sufficient.

Education is important to me because without it success is difficult and often delayed. I worked hard to productively find a job in order to better myself. However, life became very difficult while experiencing homelessness. At times it was hard to focus on school. Many times my wallet and other belong were stolen while I was sleeping at the Women’s shelter in Baltimore City, due to my lack of protecting my belongings more securely. I ended up back to square one with no identification.

I did not give up; my pain was preparation me for my destiny, and built character and strength. I leaned hard on an quote by Oprah that stated “Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.” I used that quote to dig myself out of the hole I was born into. I worked extremely hard towards leaving the shelter system permanently. I went into the Nursing field and became an Nurse Assistant, while at the same time continuing to work on my acting and writing stills. Never giving up on my dreams.

I would ended up working in nursing for 5 years before doing what Oprah said “Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.” Right before the COVID-19 Pandemic I decided to be an travel Certified Nursing Assistant where I would make an large amount of money in a short time and save for my move to Los Angeles in an effort to work on my acting and writing goals, as well as Television and Media Business ventures. I’ve been homeless in the past and knew I didn’t want to struggle in Los Angeles which is why I came up with an plan. I started packing an few weeks ago, not with the plan of moving right away but with the plan of moving soon.

I am here to say today is my fourth day in Los Angeles but I didn’t do this alone, I did this with Oprah’s unknown guidance. My goal is to work on my acting, and writing skills and to become an TV-Talk Show Host and Motivational Speaker. I hoped for an Los Angeles Nursing contract as it’s been really hard to find one directly in the City. It came through!!! New location, new contract, free hotel, free rides to work and from work, free lunch and many opportunities for growth in the city.

Life is so great. I am so happy with the direction my life is going and wished I would have made this decision years ago. I wished I wasn’t afraid to fly years ago, where I missed out on so many great opportunities. I wished I created the life I wanted to live years ago but I can not go back into the past so all I can do is move forward. My only hope is to encourage everyone to follow their dreams whether it’s to be a Doctor, Scientist, Beauty Guru, YouTuber, Best Selling Author or business owner, just follow your dreams. Like Nike says “Just Do It!” Your “right now” isn’t your future. Believe in yourself, work on your goals and never give up. I became an travel CNA last March 2020 in order to Save a lot of money in a short time to move to Los Angeles and nearly a year later I am creating the life I want to live in the City and I didn’t have to spend a dime from my savings to get here. God provided the opportunity and path, he just needed me, the willing vessel.

My ability to accomplish my goals and reach my full potential in life is not dependent on what others think of me. I realize that although some tasks are difficult and challenging, it does not mean they are impossible to accomplish. My own sense of moral principles has deepened. I no longer allow the negative thoughts of other to affect the way I think and approach situations in life. All my negative experiences have turned into an overwhelming motivation to soar like an eagle. It has given me a sense of moral and social responsibility in all that I do. This was demonstrated in my role as an influential leader in school, on my job, church and in my community.

I served as Class President in high school. I was chosen by peers to be the public speaker for the “Start on Success” award ceremony hosted by previous Governor Martin O’ Malley and discovered personal gratification in helping others to reach their full potential. I now realize how I am to have such a high aptitude and passion for learning and for the dramatic arts. Performing Arts and Writing is not only what I do, it is who I am. I am fortunate to receive the opportunity to optimize the usefulness of my personal virtues to help others. I look at myself as a peak performer who performs my tasks at the highest standard of excellence. I make the best out of every situation and turn negative situations into positive ones. As an example, I am currently in school and have a test on Friday. Even though I feel slightly overwhelmed, I am not discouraged. I choose to speak and think positively instead of negatively. I will study longer and harder to ensure that I pass my test with excellent grades. There is no challenge too difficult for me to accomplish. I am filled with hope and excitement for the opportunity to continue my education and career in dramatic arts, writing and public! I thank Oprah for giving me the inspiration beginning at 8 years old.