THE ADHD STRUGGLE: On the verge of a breakthrough or a breakdown.

At 18, I thought I had my career figured out. By 20, I had changed my mind twice. By 22, I was in law school, wondering if I had made a terrible mistake. I began to question whether I was ever meant to fit into the traditional career system. Changing career paths became like changing outfits. One minute, I’m excited and convinced that I have found my passion; the next minute, I’m full of doubt and regret, drowning in depression and existential crisis. I was stuck in a career paralysis, wondering what was next. Turns out that it wasn’t me and my poor decision making; I was diagnosed with ADHD, which was greatly affecting my life decisions.

In the education system here, after the national examinations, we are assigned to different universities. I performed well in computer studies back in high school, and with the passion I had for that, I was sure I would venture into a computer-related course. Results came out I had an A in computer studies but had performed poorly in mathematics, so I knew a computer-related career would be hard to find. I got into a good university, pursuing a Bachelor of Arts, and honestly, I loved it. I enjoyed acting; there was a drama club, and I was able to get myself a few extra roles in films. Two years into my studies, I got ‘bored’ and decided I wanted a change. An impulsive decision I made without putting much thought into it. I enrolled in law school, and as I continued studying, I realized that what I once enjoyed and was very passionate about was now starting to overwhelm me. Now, I am at my parents' house, afraid and overwhelmed because of the uncertainty of what my professional life will look like. The career shifts were me trying to find direction and see where I would fit. I was going through a full career crisis.

How ADHD contributed.

ADHD is a mental disorder that I wasn’t aware of till I was diagnosed with it. This showed up in many ways, one of them being struggling with impulsivity. Switching careers was not something I had thought about for a long time. It was just an idea that came to mind, and without forethought, I proceeded. One thing that I discovered about ADHD is that it thrives on excitement and passion. I got into law school with a lot of enthusiasm, not to mention the parental expectations that I’d be the family lawyer, although a few semesters later, I didn’t enjoy the classes anymore. I started struggling, it felt more like I was being forced. I struggled with hyper fixation; I was overwhelmed because of my choices and kept second-guessing myself. I was afraid that I would make a move that would ruin my future. It felt like I was suffocating. I had no clear directions, and there was pressure from society that I had to have it all figured out. Meanwhile, I would see others succeed faster, and I felt I was not good enough. I was honestly confused. What is my passion? What is my dream job? The Career confusion, the expectations from my close ones, and the pressure to have a perfect career was too much for me. It affected me, and I developed anxiety. Now the real struggle was for me to take a step back, accept that I don’t have to have figured out everything and choose a career, not because my mind likes it now or something influenced by a person but instead choose something that I enjoy, that keeps my brain engaged as an adult with adhd without feeling like I’m trapped.

Figuring it out.

From the reading and podcasts I have listened to, I came to accept myself and to be open. One thing is that in your 20’s you have plenty of time to figure things out. For me, it was taking a break and starting to be open to exploring opportunities without pressure. I WAS NOT BEHIND; YOU ARE NOT BEHIND! It all starts with acceptance. Take time and test things out. For me, I started writing, storytelling, doing a short online course, and learning more about adhd and other mental health disorders.

The truth is that success isn’t linear. Maybe I wont ever have just one career, my path may be different. I accepted that figuring it out is part of the journey. As much as ADHD makes life too chaotic it gives me a chance to grow, adapt, be creative and resilient. And honestly, that’s enough.

I AM ON THE RIGHT PATH REDEFINING SUCCESS ON MY TERMS.

Love&light.