Taming Frustration and Winning

Think with me for a moment: You’re headed out the front door already late for a meeting. You just found your misplaced car keys. With your already increasing frustration, your eye-balls land on your car’s very squishy front tire.

(You’ve been there and felt that (or something very similar, yes?)

Frustration is a feeling of annoyance and disappointment that can be caused by so many different intrusions. Some of the most common birth pangs of frustration are born as misunderstandings in communication, obstacles that pop up in our pathways, and lack of (or loosing of) control over situations. Frustration can also be enhanced by our own habitually negative self-talk. You know…like…”How could I be so stupid?”

The feelings of frustration have been with us since we were “knee high to a grasshopper.” Fortunately, we aren’t stuck with the neurology of infancy and childhood. The brain is a highly active and malleable learning machine. The scientific name is “neuroplasticity.” A concept not considered valid a generation ago, but today: Scientific Reality.

Reality Check: Frustration is the name for a lousy counselor. It’s advice will lead you to saying and doing things that you may even regret for a life-time. Hopefully, there’s restoration and healing where relationships are involved, but restoration will be hard fought and scars will remain.

Training oneself to mentally see a flashing yellow light whenever the angsty feelings of frustration begin to surface is essential to taming the tiger.

Training oneself to mentally see a flashing yellow light whenever the angsty feelings of frustration begin to surface is essential to taming the tiger. Here’s the potentially good news: We all are our own authors. We are continually writing, editing, and publishing the dialogue of our own inner stories!

Setting Ourselves Up for Less Frustration

1. Realistic Achievable Goals: One of the main causes of frustration is feeling like we’re not making any progress; that our lives have become hamster wheels or merry-go-rounds. That’s because we, too often, have goals to accomplish that are too complicated for the time frame we’ve given them. We want it to be realistic, but we aren’t.

When I first started writing, I thought I could author a pretty good piece of writing at least every other day; if nor daily. Because of my misjudgments on several levels, what I actually produced was the twins of anxiety and frustration. You see, I absolutely love the feeling I get when I creatively produce anything from graphics to word smithery (is that a word?…let’s just go with it.) But, there’s always a growing process. Especially as one enters a new arena. THE POINT: Be Reasonable. Be Humble.

2. To Your Own-self Be Kind: Positive self-talk is a thing. An important thing. When I started paying attention to my own words (to myself), I began realizing how self-deprecating they were. The walls of my own head space were dingy grey and stained with smears of self accusation. My head had become an incubator for discouragement and frustration. It was vital that I made changes in the way I thought and spoke to myself. I threw open the windows of hope and began to repaint the walls with congratulations of affirmation. It wasn’t easy at first. I spent a long time hating on myself. But, with practice, it got easier!

3. Relearn To Healthy Breathing: You’d think that good, healthy breathing comes second-nature. The auto mechanics and impulses of it are in place, but bad thinking has produced bad breathing. The result is, too often, the engrained rhythm that is too fast and too shallow. Studies have established that poor patterns of breathing accentuate stress and frustration which, in turn, accentuates the potential of decreased physical and emotional health. Some healthy breathing benefits include:

* It aids in the lowering of tension and stress

*It eases control of emotions, including anxiety and frustration

*It is helpful to the prevention of pulmonary and cardiovascular issues

*It aids increased energy and stamina

*It helps sharpen mental focus and creative thinking

Simple, Enjoyable Steps to Better Breathing

1. You’ll discover the following process helps promote enjoyable feelings of relaxation:

2. Sit or lie down in a comfortable position.

3. Gently place one hand on your belly and the other on your chest.

4. Inhale deeply and slowly through your nose. The hand on your chest should not move. Feel your belly hand rise a bit as you inhale. Pay attention to the sound of the breathe as you inhale.

5. Exhale gently through parted lips. Feeling your belly hand receding as you listen to the flow of your breath escaping.

6. Repeat this simple process a few to several times. Take your time. Don’t rush. Not only is this a prescription for momentary relief from frustration, but also the process that forms a healthier breathing habit.

More About Breathing

I’ve taken extra space to talk about the importance of healthy breathing and the resulting benefits. There’s a good reason for this:

It’s become common knowledge that there is a vital link between a positive life structure and the empowering spirit of one’s breathing. In my opinion, that directly relates to the original creation of humankind.

More advanced breathing techniques can be found here regarding the techniques of “Morning Breathing,” and including, “Roll Breathing,” as well as, “4–7–8 Breathing.”

Additional Bonus Tips: Reward Yourself!

First, who doesn’t enjoy a nice reward? Plan to reward yourself for completing your task at hand. When you finish a project, it is important to take a break. Even a short one. This will help your brain relax after working hard. It is also important to reward yourself for completing the full task. This will help you feel good and encourage you to set goals in the future. It’s motivating to know there’s a reward for successfully completing your assignment.

Second, become more in-the-moment, and present focused. It’s not uncommon for people to spend more of their mental energy remembering yesterdays as well as anticipating their tomorrows. Unfortunately, the ‘yesterday thoughts’ too often revolve around some form of regret or shame, and the ‘tomorrow images’ gnaw at them with anxiety’s pointy teeth.

Overcoming the angsts of life comes as a result of investing the majority of one’s energy on learning and practicing the value of present moment awareness. Learning to live in the now is a person’s richest resource. One of the best ways to do that is becoming aware and thankful for what you do have right now. It’s so counter-productive for our thoughts to languish over wishing we have what we don’t.

Wrapping It Up

Experiencing times of frustration is common to us humans. Annoyances, disappointments, and miscommunication is part of the soup of life, wouldn’t you agree? The hope-filled news is that none of us need to be stuck languishing in the quicksand of life’s frustrations. In the easy access of our digital age, good resources for practical help are at our finger tips. We can climb up the mountain. The valley of frustrations shadow can’t hurt you. As Government Engagement Leader Mark Caine is quoted as saying, “The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself.”

Thanks for the read. I hope you found it practical!