Stop Trying to Be A Therapist

Unfortunately my sleep patterns have been off and as a result I’m awake when the sun starts peeking up. However, I do tend to do a lot of my deep processing during this time as everyone is usually asleep and I can find some quiet/alone space.

That’s the setup for these upcoming thoughts. Please hear me out:

I have currently been struggling with a plethora of mental health problems/symptoms. One of these which is often misunderstood is the inability to get things done. Often labeled by others as “laziness”.

I don’t think people understand the severity of what mental illness can do to you and the range at which it presents itself. There are people who have mental illness and can function “normally” as healthy people would. Others, often the most frowned upon, are those who struggle to get out of bed and get stuff done.

So why can’t those types of people get up and get moving? What’s holding them back?

Battling with mental illnesses can be exhausting, draining, and lonely. The brain is constantly working processing emotion, trauma, and dealing with intrusive thoughts that can change the course of your day. For people with depression, self-hatred and past trauma can leave them beaten from within, struggling to keep themselves motivated. People with anxiety can struggle with constant fear, scared to leave their beds or homes because of the constant “what-ifs” and the tiring process of being alert for triggers that can bring back unwanted memories/thoughts.

Whether these feelings are rational to you shouldn’t matter. You don’t know where they root from, what matters is how that person’s body responds. Some people can have multiple draining panic attacks per day, and others can struggle to wash/feed themselves from how tired they are.

“What can I do to help?”

That depends on the person. Everyone has a different mix of symptoms/emotions/traits that make up who they are. The best place to start is by simply asking them.

As a friend, it can be hard to watch your friend suffer from a distance. Trust me when I say though, assuming the role of personal trainer or life coach isn’t going to help either. This can often lead people into a deeper spiral of hopelessness and loneliness. Why? You failed to ask the simple questions:

• How are you? What’s going on?
• What do you need from me during this time
• Do you feel safe or do you want me to check-in/stay with you for a while?

I’ve gotten plenty of self-help books, journals, and even life advice like “you gotta push through it” or “you only live once so you can’t sit around and do nothing”.

Let me tell you what I don’t get enough of; friendship and company. I don’t need you to tell me what to do, if you have told me fifteen times before and I haven’t responded, it’s because I can’t.

I always describe it to people this way; If I was laying in the hospital with a broken leg, you wouldn’t be asking me to push my own hospital bed. This same ideology should apply to people struggling with their mental health. Just because you don’t see anything broken or wrong, it doesn’t mean that we’re not suffering.

As much as you may think you know about mental health, you will never be able to completely understand the way another person's mind works. That’s not to discourage anyone, but rather encourage you to stop trying to do that.

Instead, just accompany me on my journey. It’s been a lonely one for quite some time, and I could use your care and company even if it’s for a little while.

Thanks.