Sit Still, Look Pretty

Do you ever get to a point in your day, where if One. More. Person. Tells you that you would look prettier if you smiled, you will knock them back to the Stone Age? Hey! Same here! The bad news is that the” smile” line is part of a much deeper issue that I like to refer to as ”The Box”

While sometimes I understand that the person is trying to be nice, it really doesn't come off that way and really makes me feel like they are attempting to squeeze me back into the proverbial box of being a ”proper lady”.

This is not a recent development in my life or the lives of most female-identifying human beings throughout the world.

Everyone has at least one story about some creeper telling them to smile, be more lady-like, don't swear, etc., for my part, I have way too many to count.

Another pain point for me, and I'm sure numerous others, is being told what I should be doing based on my appearance. Not my talent, not my experience, not my intelligence, MY. APPEARANCE. It seriously drives me up a wall to have my life goals and abilities reduced to what I look like I should be doing. This is what I mean when I refer to the ”box”.

The ”box” strips away everything unique about you and limits you to just what someone’s image of you is because of the way you look.

The ”box” has been my nemesis for about as long as I have known what the box was. I was always the annoying kid that asked why, and did the opposite of what someone expected me to. Yes, I know, I sound like a treat. 😉 My mother is partially to blame for this because she raised me to question the unfamiliar and to always be myself.

I remember being 9 years old, and being told not to laugh so loud, or make goofy faces, or to disagree with someone, by people that had absolutely no business telling me such.

This never sat well with me and it only got worse as I got older. I had teachers, managers, clergy, boyfriends, etc. Tell me ”don’t swear, don't make that face, don't laugh like that, just do what you're told, etc.” for the record, I don't associate with any of those people anymore.

For a time, in my late teens and early 20’s I took a lot of those criticisms personally and tried to change how I did things in order to please those people that felt the need to speak to me about those ”issues”. This involved what I call “muting” my personality to better align with what others had told me to do.

It made me absolutely miserable. I thought I had to act a certain way to make the people in my life happier, but the kicker is, they were never happy. They just continued to criticize and critique everything I did. I even had a boyfriend threaten to beat the “attitude” out of me. (Don’t worry, I reported him because he attempted it, and we’re obviously not together anymore).

The constant pushing and pulling to get me to fit just so into the “box” left me drained, unhappy, and gaslit to think that they were right and there was something wrong with me. (Spoiler Alert! There wasn’t)

I learned in time with therapy (which is amazing by the way, don’t knock it) that I could be myself and be loved, I could be myself and be successful, I could be myself and truly be happy. It only took me 25 years to figure it out. But at least I did it!)

I take pride in being mouthy, opinionated, strong in my beliefs, pursuing what I want to do, living my life for myself and no one else. Now, that doesn’t mean that I am rude just to be rude, or that I don’t take a compliment. It means that I don’t feel obligated to be the picture perfect, 1950’s housewife that keeps her opinions to herself. I don’t have to fit in the box they made for me, I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not, and I don’t live my life to appease those that feel the need to correct me. Moral of the story? Make that face, be loud, be sarcastic, be true to who you are, and forget what the haters say.

If someone in your life is trying to fit you into that box and you feel yourself slipping away, I hope my story helps you to know that you don't have to live like that. It does take time to get to this side of things, but the best things do. But I promise you, it’s worth it. I hope my story helps you to get out of that box if you can, and if you’re already out of the box, congratulations! I'm so glad you made it. ☺️

One of my favorite quotes that I keep in my mind when others are trying to force their opinions on me is - ”Be who you are and say what you feel. Because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” - Barnard Baruch

I hope that this quote helps you too. If you have a” box” moment that you would like to share with me, leave it in the comments and let me know. Catch you on the flipside 😘