Singing In The Grocery Store

Anxiety seems to be something that almost everyone has in some form or another. I have social anxiety and I think it’s a very unique anxiety.

For me, having social anxiety makes me feel like no-one can see, like I'm unseen. It doesn’t matter what I do, I won’t make a difference; I won’t make a dent. I go through the motions and people tolerate me while I exist in their life but as soon as I’m out of sight, I’m out of mind. All while having this perspective on my existence in the world, I worry constantly about how others see me. I feel that people judge me for the way I walk, the way I pay, the way I drive in my car. I think everyone’s eyes are on me and I must not make any mistakes. I must be perfect.

Social anxiety is always being stage ready to play the invisible person in the movie.

I’ve been working on my anxieties. I’ve been trying to overcome some of my personal issues so that I can grow. I’ve been focusing on what I can control and not what I can’t. I can control me and my actions and I can’t control what other people think. I think I’m awesome and that’s really been helping me. I’m a lot less stressed and I don’t worry about how I look to other people. I don’t have to spend an hour making sure my hair, make-up, and outfit is on point before I step foot outside my door. I don’t shut down in crowds and I’m not afraid to speak up when I need to. Sometimes we work on ourselves and we never really see when we change for the better, when we cross a turning point, when what we’re working on pays off...

I felt mine today. I felt the moment when I realized that I wasn’t anxious, I wasn’t panicked: I was calm. I was in the grocery store; my local grocery store, so they see me almost daily and I was calm. I had just came from dropping my children off at school. I was still wearing remanence of yesterday’s make-up, and pajamas. I was wearing my gold slides or my “ugly shoes” (I call them my ugly shoes because I really do think that they are ugly and have since I bought them but they are super comfy and I like how they fit so I wear them, that’s another story), with mix matched socks (one white with hotdogs printed on it and the other was black with bacon and eggs on it). I didn’t care what I looked like and I didn’t care if people looked at me. Then I could hear the music, the overhead music that plays in the grocery store. It was Backstreet Boys As Long As You Love Me. This song came out in 1997, that was so long ago and the moment that I heard it, I realized how old I really am. After getting over the fact that the music I listened to in my teens, now plays on the grocery store early morning in store music station, I started to sing. I was shopping along, singing a song. Not a care in the world and no anxiety. I didn’t care what people thought of me. I didn’t care if I was singing off key. I didn’t care if people were staring or judging. I was happy. I was calm. I was singing Backstreet Boys in the grocery store and it was absolutely amazing.

Overcoming anxiety is a slow process with many milestones. I have reached a new one today and I was singing in the grocery store.