Second Chance

It’s December 20th, Christmas is just around the corner; I can’t bear even the thought of another family meal where I am ridiculed for my lack of success.

Writing is my passion but getting published is tough; four novels I have written, but I have not a dime to spare to put towards my dream of being published. My waitressing job barely pays my bills, so moving forward with the expenses of getting published seems just about impossible.

My shift at the restaurant has finally ended, so I have come down to the seaside to reflect. As I sit by the rocks on the shore, I am writing in my little black book, my journal, my best friend.

“Another rough day, I’m struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Will anyone even care if I was gone? I am genuinely starting to believe that I have no purpose in this world, and the world would probably be better off without me. In my current mindset, death seems to be the only answer that will end all of my sufferings. All that’s left to do is to go home and plan out the best way to do it, a way that will not traumatise the person who finds me.”

As I pack up my little black book, I am feeling content that I have finally made a decision.

I am on my walk home when a light breeze blows something in my face. I catch it, and to my surprise, it’s an unscratched instant Scratch-It with the Jackpot Prize of $20,000.

I look around to see if anyone appears to have lost it, but there is not a person in sight. I am thinking to myself, “I may as well scratch it; after all, what’s one more disappointment?”

As expected, 'No $ Prize Won', but there is a free second chance ticket. The news agency is on my way home, so I stop in to collect the second chance.

After a quick stop at the news agency, I arrive home and begin coming up with my plan.

After writing out a long list, I have come to the conclusion that a drug overdose will be the least gruesome way to do it, so I decided to head to the pharmacy to pick up some tablets that my doctor had previously prescribed.

As I go to pick up my purse, the second chance ticket falls on the floor. The words SECOND CHANCE are screaming at me, so I decided to give it a scratch.

‘Winner $20,000 Jackpot’ is all that I can see. I rub my eyes in disbelief. Is this real? Did I really win $20,000?!

I gather my things, and I race down to the news agency.

“Congratulations, you have won the $20,000 Jackpot,” says the lovely lady behind the counter.

I can’t believe it; here I was about to give up on everything, give up on myself when life throws me a second chance. A second chance to finally proceed with hiring a publisher for my writing, a second chance to make my family proud, a second chance to feel accomplished, and a second chance to live beyond today.

It has been two weeks since I received my cheque for $20,000, Christmas has come and gone, and life is looking up.

During our annual Christmas dinner, I decided to do something I had never done before, I shared some of my writing with my family. The proud look on everyone’s faces was all the clarity that I needed. Had I just had faith in myself and shared my passion from the start, then I would have realised a long time ago that I am good enough, and I can do this.

In the last couple of weeks, I have spent some time reading back through my little black book; it was during this time that I realised suicide would have been the wrong decision, and had I gone through with it, it would have been the last and most significant mistake I would have ever made.

After reading back on my own words and sharing my writing with my loved ones, I came to the realisation that I didn’t need to win the money to give myself a second chance. Had I just read back through my little black book that December day, I would have never come to the silly conclusion that suicide was the answer; instead, I would have given myself faith and helped myself see that I do have a purpose in this world, as we all do.

From making customers smile to giving hope to a homeless stranger, each day, I achieve something by merely making someone else’s day that little bit better. I now realise that just by being alive, I am serving a purpose; whether it is big or small, it no longer matters; what matters is that I am here living each day with the opportunity to make a difference in someone else’s life.

We all have the opportunity to make a difference, and to give ourselves a purpose; we just need to believe in ourselves.

I might continue to struggle in life and have some terrible days, but that’s ok; at the end of the day, if I can bring my loved ones and strangers even just a small amount of happiness or positivity, then I believe I am serving a purpose in this world.

I am so grateful that I am still here to celebrate all the small accomplishments that I fulfil each day, to be here to make even the slightest of difference in people’s lives. I am just so thankful to be alive! But most of all, I am so thankful for my little black book, the everlasting reminder of my second chance.