Save the whales

I am the queen of procrastination.

For as long as I can remember my Moto was ‘New Year, New Me’. And when that fell through it was ‘New week, New me’ or ‘My diet starts on Monday’. But as many others, I am a creature of comfort. Forever crawling back into my same old habits.

That is not to say these habits are all bad and unhealthy… For the most part, I eat healthy, I am relatively active, and I practice mindfulness. It is, however, consistency that I struggle with. Holding myself accountable for what I say I will do. And then feeling guilty about failing. Beating myself up about it.

I have a routine, wake up, write down three things I’m grateful for, follow my ridiculously pretentious skin care regime, drink my green tea or bone broth with an abnormal number of vitamins and supplements, and the list goes on.

But as the stress and anxiety of the world weighs on me the last couple of years (COVID – am I right?!), I find myself following all these social media accounts that advocate mindfulness, health, gratitude etc. And I feel pressured into thinking I’m not doing enough. I am not good enough. I don’t do what I should be doing. My mental health will be worse if I don’t do what they tell me to do.

Admit it, you too decide to have a quick scroll through TikTok while the kettle is boiling. The next thing you know an hour has gone by and all that you have achieved is saving a handful of videos of new products you need to buy for better skin, a different type of meditation you need to do to find peace, or the date of the next full moon complete with what chant you must relentlessly repeat to manifest wealth and abundance. Let’s not forget to throw in the crystals and a smudge stick to “cleanse” your small fortune of crystals. Whatever that means. Don’ even get me started on WitchTok.

Don’t get me wrong, I come from a very eclectic family. They’re all about holistic health, and all that hoodoo jargon. And I do believe in it to a degree. I would say that I believe in spirituality. But these days I find it almost impossible to keep up with what to do and what not to do.

I struggle to sleep on a good day. And I have tried every meditation, vitamin, silk covered pillowcase that I can find. But still I lay awake staring at the ceiling listening to whale noises (which are terrifying I might add), going over the list of all the things I need to do tomorrow.

These days I am saying goodnight to my housemates at 7:30pm. Because by the time I’ve showered, done my night-time skin care regime, brushed my teeth, put my diffuser filled with potent oils on, selected which crystals to put under my pillow (and set the right intention – still figuring out what that means by the way), journaled my day, and then called my boyfriend for his allocated 5 minutes a night, its suddenly 10pm and I am exhausted. Only to then fall finally asleep, with my whale noises (I wonder what that sounds like to my housemates), And let’s not forget I wake up about 4 times to pee throughout the night because I drink 7 cups of green tea, two litres of water and a green juice throughout the day. I then wake up at 5am to start the next comical list of “self-love” steps before I can even consider getting up and getting ready for work.

Ahh yes work. That too, I am told I don’t ever have to do again. I can follow one of one million girls on TikTok that can show me how to quit my “9 to 5” and work a mere 3 hours from home but earn a six-figure salary by affiliate marketing, Creating an NFT (what?) or selling feet pictures. Might as well sell a bloody kidney. Might I add that I follow an abnormal amount of these girls but still not one of them has told me HOW to actually do this. But my point is, I’m tired.

Not just tired from a restless broken sleep, not just tired from a jam-packed day, but tired from all the bullshit. All the pressure. All the, you need to do this and do that to live a fulfilled life.

So, let’s get to the point of the story. This year I commit to being easier on myself. Not committing to too much and just enjoying life. As it is. Simply. Without the stress, without the pressure, without the need to fit into societies expectations of what I need to do to be a better me. Without feeling pressured by all these clear skinned influencers on social media.

This year I focus on calm. Just me, my thoughts, and without the terrifying god damn whales.