Piece by piece

Three years ago I was pregnant , two years ago I had my first tiny, perfect child. Nursed that sweet boy for a whole year to become pregnant with my second baby immediately after stopping. Almost a year later and I am still nursing this beautiful girl. I couldn’t ask for anything more than these two little blessings. But somewhere along the way, like most mothers, I lost myself and who I was before children. This happens, this is normal and sometimes it’s even necessary.

However I wanted to be more than just “mom”. As special as that title is and as grateful as I am, I just felt like I owed it to myself- current and past- to carve some time out for me, so that I can be MORE. More patient, more energetic, more loving, because when you take care of yourself and make sure you are happy, it’s easier to give more to those you love. So they say.

So that’s exactly what I did.

I started doing all the research necessary to make sure I was equipped with the proper tools and got started. I sectioned off a corner of my laundry room, set up a desk, and a cabinet to hold my supplies and when the kids went to bed that’s when I started creating.

For each piece I start with an idea- big or small, sketch it out onto Bristol board and when I am happy with my stencil, I cut it out with my trusty scissors. You see, Bristol board is necessary so that the edges of my stencil are sturdy enough to withstand being traced. Each piece of glass was once just sketch on a some of that heavy duty paper. Sometimes there’s ten pieces I need to cut out of my stencil but sometimes there’s one hundred. I search through all my glass to find the colours that blend perfectly together , trace my stencil on the glass and get to cutting.

It doesn’t stop there though.

I don’t have any fancy jackets or cloaks to wear so I don my fancy garbage bag. Put my hair up and cover it with… yet another bag. Safety glasses on. Mask on. And off we go to the grinding stage. Not every piece needs this but most do. Boy is it hot with all this plastic on. Cutting glass is tricky and no matter how perfect you try to make your score, you get jagged edges. This happens, part of life. But to get that perfect edge you had in your stencil and in your mind, you have to hook up your trusty glass grinder and smooth it out. This part isn’t my favourite; probably because I’m a walking garbage bag with glass dust all over me but you know, it’s necessary

Finally I can start piecing my creation together and see my vision come to life.

This sharp but delicate medium is like holding bliss. I lose myself in the pieces I create but not in the same way I lost myself to motherhood. I surface from my tiny work area each night feeling renewed, a feeling of pure joy when looking at the progress I made with my newest piece.

I wake up each morning feeling pride in myself, knowing I’m doing something I love without it affecting my family and that I’m able to give myself this chance to be… me.

Twenty-seven years old, fiancé, two little humans, and two cats. Welcome to the zoo.

Stuck in a house for over a year waiting out a pandemic with little to no socialization, while trying to raise happy and mentally healthy children, can really affect your own mental health. Who knew?

My children are my world, but when our world consists of these four walls and only each other, I really needed to find something that allowed me to be me and this is it.

The sound of scoring the glass, the snap of each piece, is beyond satisfying. The small cuts I get are nothing compared to the pride I feel looking at a completed piece or the joy I feel giving it to someone and seeing their eyes light up.

My son looks at them, telling me stories about each piece, and the colours and pictures he sees. The look of amazement in his eyes when he says “my mommy made that” is beyond any words. This is why I do this. My self, my kids- the pride I feel in myself, the pride my family feels in me.

I found myself again and she’s here to stay.