Permission to dream

She thought Ramona was a piece of work. Everything about her paternal grandmother was a mystery to her. She seemed to hold the weight of a thousand worlds on her shoulders, and was never happy. And yet, there was a certain vulnerability about her that Amelia could not deny - and made her embrace her regardless of that lady's frown. She was bold and strong, like a written word that was here to stay. And contrary to what one might assume, Ramona was also afraid of her own shadow. Superstition and old town tales had forged a spirit of fear in her, and at 78 she was a walking, talking, shaky tree whose roots were old enough to succumb to the test of time, but whose determination to survive - regardless of any weather conditions - was keeping her alive and well beyond her natural years - even though she kept waiting for the worse to happen. Quite the character.

Amelia remembered a ring her grandmother had that had been promised to her a million times. She remembered the amazement with which she would watch her grandmother try that ring on Amelia's little finger and say "when I die, this will be yours". She never could quite understand what she meant by that, but she understood the butterflies in her tummy whenever she saw the little red ruby sparkle in the middle of that golden ring. She felt a bond with Ramona over that ring she otherwise could only long for and never achieve. When her grandmother was telling her about that ring, Amelia felt accepted by her father's mother. That ring was a symbol of her acceptance of her.

Ramona was a woman of tremendous culinary skills, and she showered her family with delicious meals every Saturday. Amelia remembered those days with love, but was aware her parents did not feel the same way. There was something to be said about a gap of communication and understanding between her paternal grandparents and her parents, and she resented the way her siblings and her were often placed in the middle of a constant battle of the wits, along with passive aggressive silent treatments with no shelter to run to.

And then there was the obvious lack of natural connection between Ramona and her grandkids, almost as if she was missing a very important, highly essential gene, and the children were left begging for grandma to show up. A constant source of sadness for Amelia, who had an almost pathological need to belong - perhaps brought in by a loving and yet distant relationship with her parents.

She had stopped by her grandparents' after spending time with her boyfriend, and her heart was soaring. Her grandmother looked at her for a minute.

"Who's the guy?"

"What guy?"

"You are all flustered, sweetie. Your cheeks are on fire".

Amelia looked at her grandmother.

"I don't want to talk about it".

Ramona nodded.

"Alright. Take your time".

They sat by her grandfather, who was watching the news, and Amelia closed her eyes and took in the scent of her grandparents' home, always so peaceful, so full of magic and possibilities. She could never explain why or how or what, but even in the midst of that unspeakable distance that had always existed between them, she could always find comfort in their home, and everything was possible. Before she knew it, she opened her mouth and started babbling about her photography dreams and how she did not want to stay in college and how she finished high school a few years back because it was important to her parents, but that she was in pain now, longing to unleash her dreams. Her grandfather turned the volume of the T.V. down and looked at her.

"I think I need to make us some coffee", he said. And headed for the kitchen.

"You have a gift. Go after it", Ramona said.

Amelia looked at her, in awe.

"Dad says it's not a good idea", she replied to her grandmother.

"Nonsense. Are those dreams in you or in him?".

"Me".

"Then there's your answer! Your parents will get on board. You just have to give them a chance to understand who you are and what you can become".

"Dad wants me to be a lawyer or a veterinarian", Amelia said with sadness.

"No, sweetheart. What your Dad wants is for you to be happy and safe. Go out there and take the most amazing pictures the world has ever seen. Find your place in the stars."

Amelia smiled. She could barely believe she was having this conversation with her grandmother, of all people. People can truly amaze you sometimes, she thought. Her grandfather came in carrying a tray with coffee and pastries.

"Here. You can have this", he said, reaching for a small black book that he was holding under his arm, while carrying the tray. "And listen to your grandmother," he concluded. "She is wiser than any of us".

The little book rested now in the palm of her hands. Her grandmother smiled at her.

"Open it", she said.

As Amelia opened the book, she realized it was full of money - and she had never seen so many bills together.

"What is this?"

Her grandmother smiled.

"This is the miracle that we once experienced. Many years ago someone handed us over this book. We were about to lose everything. This book was then give to us by a total stranger. As you read through it, you will understand why we are giving it to you, and what to do with this money, and someday, you will give it to someone else, with money inside".

Amelia felt a relief in her soul. She opened the little black book and started to read, knowing somehow that the moment was crucial, and that her life was never going to be the same.

Her grandparents drank coffee and guarded her heart as she laughed and cried while reading the pages of the book. Suddenly everything was possible. Suddenly she understood why it was given to her. She now was given permission to dream and to be bold, and to start the life she had always wanted.