Patience

Patience

I haven’t wrote in a while. It’s been calm and the storm has been silent. My heart is mending. I’m taking care of my mind, body and soul. The healing process is beautiful and morbid in the sense of remembering what happened and that I’ll no longer live that nightmare.

Bones that cracked in a million ways, the heart held in my palm that you carved out dripping every ounce of love I had to offer and the taste of your lips like poison crippling the woman I once was. Beauty stolen. I no longer smiled, laughed or sang. My world was dark and lonely. I didn’t know the warmth of another’s touch or the embrace of genuine hug or meaningful compliments.

I have come to terms in knowing they were never mine. They found another and are blissfully happy. Peace in knowing that I wasn’t their fit even though it hurt. You may have to cry alone or dance in the rain to embrace peace of what was and what isn’t. Look back at your life and look at the present day and smile. You’ve climbed mountains and each beaten path that you’ve traveled on led to who you are now.

All that is behind me. With patience I have grown to love who I am and every fault of mine. I have learned to accept what was and my mistakes and know that it takes two to make it and two to break it. Whatever you put in to a relationship is exactly what you will receive out of the relationship. You want something amazing and remarkable put the work in.

My heart aches without my blue eyed baby, who calls me mom but with patience I know we will reunite. You can’t force things or rush things. The outcome of things forced and rush is a disaster waiting to unfold. Let the rose blossom on its own instead of prying open its petals making it grow faster. Enjoy what is in the moment now and savor every bit of it. Nothing is guaranteed.

I’ve been writing to my future husband and preparing myself to be a great wife to him. I know that all those efforts will pay off and will create a beautiful marriage. One I’ll treasure for a lifetime. There has been so much I have wanted to do and rush but I’ve learned to be patient and just wait because everything has a timing. The best things are those that you wait for. It’s not an easy process but the reward is everything.

To my future husband, I’m still waiting and making preparations to be a great wife to you. To my dearest son, we are separated and it hurts but mommy is getting things work out for things to be much better.

To the many of you who struggle with wanting fast results or being impatient, I say to you it’s all worth it to wait. Small steps lead to big victories. It’s not about how fast you get there or how fast you reach your goal. What matters is the small steps you make now to get there. The actions you take now. That’s what matters most.

Silence the noise and calm your heart. Be one with your soul and heal. Take care of you first and make priorities in your life. Life will always be a beautiful mess but it’s worth living for. We only have one, so let’s make it count.

Take more time to capture memories made. Smile more, cry often, take a road not knowing where you’ll end up, face your fears and live. Single or taken be one with your soul and live like today is your last. Savor every delicious thing that life has to offer. When that beautiful sunset comes up, the rain has stopped, just soak it in. It is better to have some peace than a constant tornado with no warnings.