Missing: Friends

A simple guide to rebuilding relationships after two years of isolation.

As adults, it can be difficult to maintain solid connections. Making friends is frequently placed at the bottom of one's priority list. Making friends has become all the more difficult after a very long, lonely two years of seclusion.

"Would you want to hang out?" was my very simple request for friendship.

Has gained significance as a result of the possibility that hanging out may result in someone contracting the feared virus.

My requests for friendship these days are more along the lines of: "Hey! I hope everything is going well for you. I have some spare time this week and would love to meet up with you.

Also if you’re not comfortable with hanging out in person, I totally understand and we can wait till February, March, or maybe even April and maybe do a zoom call in the meantime if you’re not too burned out from screen time.

I have zoom premium we can use my account, just lmk!”

If social anxiety wasn’t a problem for me before (it most definitely was) it’s even more of an issue now.

This past winter I went back home to see friends, some of which I had not seen since before the pandemic. I knew that I wanted to see these friends, in fact, I’d spent all of 2020 dreaming up the ways in which I’d make up for lost time, once the world opened back up.

As much as I wanted to capitalize on this newfound in-person quality time with friends I was also terrified of making the ask. What if they thought I was irresponsible for wanting to meet in person, what if they thought I was selfish for even suggesting the thought?

If you are like me and miss your friends dearly, but are nervous and unsure of how to rebuild the connection, I have written down some starter messages, to help get you back to your friends! (From the safety of your home, at least until omicron chills out.)

Starter Messages

“Hey (Friend’s name) I wanted to reach out and see how you were doing! Life’s been pretty busy lately, but things have slowed down a bit for me and I’d love to catch up, whether it be an in-person or virtual hang”

“Hey (Friend’s name) hope you’re doing well. I’d love to catch up with you this month if you’ve got some free time. Lmk!

“Hey (Friend’s name) I miss you! Hope life is treating you well. Would love to catch up with you sometime. My weeknights are normally pretty free for zoom hangs and phone calls.”

I know it is so scary to put ourselves on the line and reach out to people, but believe me, your friends want to hear from you!

Worst case, you don’t get a response. The iconic R&B group The Whispers said it best, “The Beat Goes On!” Cast a wide net, and continue your journey back to friends. It is worth it, friendship is worth it, and there are people out there dying to be your friend!

Romance Your Friends!

Valentine’s Day is coming up, giving you the perfect opportunity to reach out to your friends and spread some love!

Allow me to be your personal friendship-cupid and help you spread some joy to all of the loved ones in your life.

My Valentine’s Day Grams have price tiers ranging from ($10–$35.00) making them an excellent gift for those looking for a thoughtful, budget-friendly, covid-friendly, small-business-friendly way to give the gift of love this year.

Prepare to be the world’s best gift-giver this V-Day!

*Get those commissions in now and score Early Bird Prices for Valentine’s Day Grams, up until 1/25th!*

Activities to do together:

Congratulations, you and your friend have agreed to hang out! Now, what are you gonna do together? Here are some fun possibilities!

1. Have a picnic outside

Last year, I went to the Hollywood Forever Cemetery and spotted a legendary goth friendship couple on the grass, eating a socially distant lunch. They appeared to be *so cool*. Picnics in the park are acceptable to goths. Set out on your journey. Go for the goth look.

2. Rollerblading 

Rollerblading has gone viral on the internet! Many establishments will allow you borrow skates for the day, so you don't have to make the large financial commitment if you aren't ready to become a full-time rollerblader owner.

3. Work-related phone conversations with buddies!

That 40-hour workweek is no laughing matter. I'd best reincarnate as a loving house-cat in the future life, because I'm no longer attempting to work. Meanwhile, when I'm having a really hectic week, I attempt to organize a business call with a colleague. It makes that at-home freelance work feel a bit less soul-sucking!

Maintaining friendships while faraway:

I moved to the east coast this past summer for school, and I was very nervous about how I’d keep in touch with my friends while halfway across the country. Here are some tips for fostering friendships from afar.

Zoom hangs! I know these are hard to schedule, but oh my god they are so worth it. I promise. My weekly zoom sessions with friends keep me sane while adjusting to a new city.

Voice Messages. If you have a smartphone, you can send voice messages to friends! I don’t know about you but I get very overwhelmed at the thought of having to write out a thoughtful, yet concise text message that properly represents my full range of emotions. I have found that voice messages are a nice break from that mental gymnastics! Plus it gives your friends a chance to hear your voice!

Letters. The times I’ve received letters from friends have been so nice, so I really advocate for this! It’s a tangible form of connection that you can read anytime you’re homesick for friends living in a different part of the world.

For those of you who have not talked to your friends in a while, it may feel especially nerve-wracking, but you actually have a perfectly valid excuse (covid!). We went through a life-changing event, and it is completely okay if friendships fell to the wayside, but that doesn’t mean they have to stay there! Go forth guilt-free, and re-claim those friendships.