Love Matters Session Number 4

I am going to come out the gates and say it! Most women just need to understand the difference of meeting men where they are and not think they are settling. The key in this thing we call dating should be to find a common ground with someone, and bring out the best in each other.

The minute we start to think about what we want and not think about what the other person desire in a companionship, we have lost the battle. We talked about the "bullet point" list on our Love Matters Live show this past Thursday, and there was an agreement across the board that women have more items on the list then men. Needless to say, a good question to present is that if your personal list are desires that center around what is needed from the potential mate, or what you and the potential mate can complete together. Can the two of you survive as a team and hold each other up during the test of time? No, I don't have all the answers, and if you are reading this, you might have all the answers as well. Having said that, shouldn't it be time for a new approach?

I think the main ingredient that keep couples together, is the respect they have for each other and the ability to meet each other on the same level in any giving situation. Most individuals came from different households with different schools of thought. Chances are slim that we've all experienced the same type of events in life and if we did, high chances are we processed them differently anyways. So why is it so hard for some people to make the connection? Could the "bullet point" list be filled with items of too many far fetched selfish desires?

I have dated for some time before and after my marriage. I have had conversations with fellow men and made comparisons on what they look for in women. Unfortunately, I find that most men want team oriented traits from their counter parts, while most women want men based on selfish reasons. I knew that I would not make it out the thoughts of some women minds without listing an example. I have a few, but I will only list some for the sake of the reader's time. Now these are the most desired from the women I've experienced.

1. I want a man who is over 6 feet tall (what does his height have to do with building a family?), 2. I want a man who is a top earner (most women don't want to build with a man, they want him to already have his finances in place), I want to explore that one, but I wont stray too far from the topic. Meeting someone where they are could be understanding that this person's income level may not be there when you meet him, but consideration has to take place and observation to see if this man is pleased with his current income level, or is he trying to improve his income level. I know, most women don't want to date "potential" and here is where the selfishness sets in and most women fail to meet men where they are and miss the process. 3. I want a man to support my vision as a woman (is your vision as a woman something that is inline with the goals of the family, or your personal goals?). See how this road can easily loose focus off the family and turn into focus on one individual?

Take the time to focus on what the other person wants and look for a potential mate to focus on what you want. Meet each other at a compromising level with plans to elevate and grow together. There should never be a fear to "settle" for less, but to pull back to move forward.