Living with Passion

Passion. A seven-letter word defined as “an intense desire or enthusiasm for something”. Well, I am the type of person who has many things I pour my passion into. For example, I am huge on saving the planet and the animals within it. I am passionate about reading and how important it is to escape reality for a little while in a good book. I care a lot about spreading awareness for many things I have like anorexia, bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression, and also for things I am like bisexual, or even for things I don’t personally relate to. I’m passionate about crystals and spirituality. I’m passionate about fashion and expressing myself without fear or judgment. I’m passionate about making my life the best it can be for me, and not just following others’ expectations of me. I’m crazy passionate about spreading love and positivity to everyone I meet even if they’re strangers. But most importantly, I’m passionate about living.

Growing up was hard for me, still is. In nineteen years I have managed to be diagnosed with the following disorders; anxiety at only six years old, depression at nine, OCD, anorexia nervosa, and body dysmorphia at twelve, and finally at nineteen I have been recently diagnosed as bipolar and having borderline personality disorder features. Sounds like a lot to deal with right? Well add all the trauma like rape and drug abuse and yea, it was and still is a lot. However, I have grown from everything I was, to become the beauty that I now am, despite being broken. I dance and smile to songs I once would cry to. I enjoy the sunlight instead of despising it. I smile for real instead of always faking it. I can go out to eat with friends and not have a full-on panic attack. I can enjoy the present instead of dawning on the past. I can actually imagine a future for myself instead of thinking I won’t make it another year. I can wear my hair up and not want to cry. I can look in the mirror and enjoy what I see. I can leave the house without makeup on. I can post pictures with no filters. I can go up and talk to strangers without fear. I can order my own food. I can eat something not just from the kid’s menu. There are so many things I can do now that I’ve grown from that dark time that thirteen-year-old me could’ve never imagined. I can finally say I love myself and truly mean it.

Someone once said to me, after asking what I like to do for fun, “Okay ur literally a movie…” This, although one of the best compliments I’ve ever gotten, made me realize people may think my life is perfect and that I don’t have my insecurities or that I don’t ever struggle. Trust me when I say, that that is farthest from the truth. I struggle everyday. But I’ve come so far in life that I learned to cope with it the best I can because I now value my life more than I ever did growing up. I’m the type of person who dedicates my life to helping people. Not because I think I owe it to anyone or because I expect anything in return, but because I genuinely enjoy it. I don’t even think about it, I just do it. So the biggest piece of advice I can ever give, is to live life with passion because no matter what you’re going through, you will get through it if you keep pushing, I promise. Life is so beautiful and amazing and there’s so much to look forward to wether you believe it now or not. When I was at my lowest, I didn’t think I’d ever make it this far. I cried on my eighteenth birthday simply because I thought I’d kill myself before then. But I didn’t, and now look at where I’m at. So if I could tell you only one thing that you could keep with you forever, it would be to hold on because the pain really does end. It’s not easy, and it’s not a perfect road to get there. You’ll still have really bad days and struggle sometimes, but, you’ll know how to deal with it and not let it erase all the progress you’ve made. So, live life with passion. I do, and I’ve never been happier.