Legendary Poetry

sSchism

Noun: A split or division between strongly opposed sections or parties, caused by differences in opinion or belief; Similar: Division, split, rift, breach, rupture, break, separation. See also: Me.

My life is a schism. My mind is marked by duplicitous divisions, wavering splits, shattered rifts, danger filled breaches, disastrous ruptures, emotional breaks, and sad separations. As such, I am an einagam. Or is that enigma? Yes, I am an enigma. A man marked and haunted by mysteries, baffling puzzles, mind numbing conundrums, riddles which I don't understand, paradoxes which I understand even less, and persistent problems that trouble my near lifeless soul. And yet, like the famous femal poet declared: And yet I stand.

My mind is prone to wander like a listless sojourner, wandering aimlessly and at times pointlessly from place to place seeking a peaceful place to ease the meandering and wandering stream of his thoughts and actions, of understanding my place in this world, and trying to do so with a mind that is disquieted by serious and genuine mental illness. I am a sailor on a ship with a shredded sail, a canoeist with a broken paddle, a captain without a charge, a sailor without a ship, a man with a purpose in a cold, unfeeling world filled with people who do not authentically care about or for this innocent soul. I am a schism. And a poor one at that.

Yes, I am a schism and this is how I make my way throughout life, sometimes wandering randomly, sometimes making my way with thoughtful and wise determination, and yet always reaching my destination as bizarre as that may seem. The path I take in life is truly bizarre and is not understood by many, or perhaps not understood by any at all. The later is more true than the former as this has been my experience in dealing with the people that the "higher power" has placed in my life. And yet despite all of these facts, I proceed with all the pride that I am able to call upon.

Some say that pride leads to a fall but I say that this is not always true. There is pride in ownership, pride in craftmenship, pride in being, pride in a job well done, pride in the joys of life, pride in successess and crossing barriers difficult and trying, pride in a life lived in humble dignity. It is this life kind of pride that I strive to achieve daily. A life marked not with desperation and miserly but a life marked by victories displayed by scars and marks given to me as a result of my determination. And I continue on.

I continue on with all due diligence, facing each battle or obstacle with by confidence, fear, and cowardice. You see, I am an enigma. I cannot be figured out. I am a puzzle piece in a world that has no spot for me to fit into. I take that lonely piece, who I am, and I build a world where it fits perfectly into as if it were designed to be that way all along. Sometimes we all have to do that on occasions. Sometimes we are misfits, weirdos, loose cannons, and the like and must, I repeat must, make our own way in life and create a world that allows us to cope with, deal with, adjust into, and fit into a world that would normally not call us their own. And so, I continue on and bravely so.

Yes, I bravely and nobly continue on for it is the only thing that I know how to do. I walk confidently on occasions, I continue on with bated breath, I enjoy the majestic highs and tolerate the crushing lows, I strive, I proceed, I fall, I rise, I laugh, I cry, I scream, I whisper, I rant, I rave, I postulate, I proclaim, I declare. Yes, I declare to all that you may and will succeed on your private trail that is life if you will only have an ounce of courage to proceed.

Proceed! I advise you, and never, never, never give up as the wise man once said when faced with unthinkable odds against a brutal and cruel enemy that sought it's defeat. But victory was the end result for this man and his country in the end despite the sad sufferings they endured until they cross the happy finish line. And I shall do the same with my life. I know this to be true and I believe that the same will be true if you will just muster up even the smallest bit of strength and have the mental and physical fortitude to run your race like a champion Olympian seeking that coveted gold medal that is life. An honor which can be achieved by all who strive for this reward. Which can be received by even lowly enigmas like me.