Learning to Advocate for Yourself

Learning to advocate for myself has been a journey, one that hasn’t come naturally but has changed my life in ways I never expected. In the past, I would often let things slide, thinking that it was easier to keep the peace rather than speak up. It was a habit I built to avoid confrontation, but as time went on, it began to take a toll. I realized that in trying to be easygoing and accommodating, I was neglecting the most important person—myself.

A turning point came when I noticed a pattern of being overlooked in work meetings, where my ideas were subtly brushed aside, only to be picked up and praised when voiced by others. Initially, I chalked it up to being new in the company, convincing myself that I needed to wait for the right time to shine. But that time never seemed to come. It wasn’t until I decided to speak up that things began to change.

Self-advocacy, as I’ve come to understand it, isn’t about becoming confrontational or demanding, but about recognizing your own worth and having the courage to communicate it. One comment I read really resonated with me—someone wrote that self-love is key because if you don’t believe you’re worthy, why would anyone else? That stuck with me. It’s easy to downplay your needs or justify others' behavior, but at some point, you have to ask yourself: would I let this happen to a loved one? If not, why am I okay with it happening to me?

Standing up for myself was tough at first. There’s always the fear of being seen as difficult or overreacting. But the more I did it, the more natural it felt. I began to realize that speaking up wasn’t just about protecting myself—it was also about setting boundaries, holding people accountable, and ultimately, growing my confidence. When I stopped waiting for others to give me permission to be heard, opportunities that I thought were out of reach started coming my way. It was almost like people started to respect me more once I respected myself enough to say something.

I found that being assertive had a ripple effect on my career. I learned to check in with myself and decide whether I had the mental capacity to take on certain battles. If I didn’t, that was okay, too—self-advocacy doesn’t mean you need to fight every single battle. Instead, it’s about choosing the moments that matter, where speaking up can lead to growth or resolution.

The most surprising lesson in all this? Self-advocacy has had the unintended effect of boosting my career. By advocating for myself in meetings, asking for raises when I deserved them, and asserting my role in collaborative projects, I found that people began to see me as someone who not only delivered results but also valued my own contributions. Success followed—not just because I was doing good work, but because I finally believed I was worth fighting for.

And I get it—standing up for yourself is daunting. It takes energy, especially when the person you’re addressing might not take it well. But I’ve learned that the point isn’t always to change someone’s mind. It’s about letting them know that you see what’s happening, that you don’t deserve it, and that it’s not okay. Whether they acknowledge that or not, you’ve still reclaimed some of your power. And trust me, that’s a feeling you’ll carry into every aspect of your life.

Now, advocating for myself is second nature. I don’t do it aggressively or with the expectation that everything will go my way. Instead, I approach each situation with a sense of self-worth, knowing that I deserve the same respect and consideration I give to others. It's been one of the most rewarding lessons I've learned—both in life and in my career.