Learn to Say 'No' Without Apologizing

It is not uncommon for some people to find it hard to say “no” to family members, friends, co-workers, and especially to leaders and members of their church. They are in the habit of saying “yes” even when they want to say “no” to some requests and favors they are asked to do.

There are reasons people fear saying “no.” However, there are some things they can do to get over that fear.

Three Options

When people ask you to do something you feel leery about doing, you have three choices you could make without giving the person an instant “yes.”

1. You could say, “yes” because you fear telling the person “no.”
2. You could say “no” and maybe feel bad about saying it.
3. You could say “no” and not feel bad about saying it at all.

When you give in and say “yes” to things you want to say “no” to, you will probably end up feeling miserable after giving your answer.

Reasons to Say “No”

When some people are asked to do something, they might say “yes” because they are afraid to let others down. Individuals might say “yes” because they are people pleasers. They fear they will no longer be liked if they say “no.”

Some people feel guilty when they do not say “yes” to requests, especially when they are available and able to do it. They feel obligated to say “yes.”

If we say “yes” when we want to say “no,” we are not being true to ourselves. The other person will feel good about our response, but we might regret it later.

Know that you are not obligated to say “yes” every time someone makes a request. If you have always said “yes,” people will expect you to continue doing so. Therefore, you need to break the cycle by beginning to say “no.”

At first, it will be uncomfortable. Once you begin saying “no” to situations you used to say “yes” to, it will get easier.

Sometimes people put off what they want to do for themselves. Instead, they use that time, energy, and finances to do favors for others. Stop neglecting yourselves, especially when people can do those things for themselves. Don't think you are being selfish. You just don't want to be used. It is time to stop compromising and learn to say “no.”

Ten Ways to Say No With Confidence

1. Just say “no.” Don't say you want to think it over and get back with the person later. If you know you want to do it, you probably won't change your mind after you sleep on it.
2. Be brief. You don't have to give a report about why you can't do something. Be brief and assertive.
3. Don't be manipulated. Don't allow people to manipulate you into doing something for them. Telemarketers do it all the time when they tell you what others have done. For example, “Most people donate $50. Would you like to donate $50?”
4. Understand the relationship. Evaluate your relationship with the person who wants you to do something. Question why someone you barely know is asking you to do something for him instead of his own friends.
5. Be firm. After you have said you can't do something, do not allow others to make you feel so guilty that you are forced to change your mind.
6. Be selfish. Give priority to your own needs by putting them first. Don't put other people's needs over your own. If so, you will resent it later.
7. Don't apologize. You really don't owe anyone an explanation for not agreeing to do what they ask. If you give them a reason, they might not accept it and ask you for another reason. This will wear you out, and you could end up saying you will do it even though you don't want to.
8. Don't lie. It's not worth it to sin to give a reason for saying “no.”
9. Don't recommend. Don't put a friend or relative in the same predicament that you are in by volunteering someone else to do what you said you couldn't do.
10. Don't follow up right away. If you check on the request you turned down, you are putting yourself back into the situation you just got out of. If the person still needs a favor, you might be asked again. Once you have said “no,” let it be.

"The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say 'no' to almost everything." -- Warren Buffett

Disclaimer

There are exceptions to every rule. There are times to help others, especially in emergency situations.

The aim of this article is to let people know they are not obligated to say “yes” to everything. They are also not obligated to give an explanation when they say “no.”

Survey: Do you have a problem saying “no” to people?

• 43% YES
• 0% NO
• 57% IT DEPENDS ON THE PERSON AND THE SITUATION