In the New Year, a Mindful Inventory

The first days of January are spammed with social media posts of stuff like the “2000-something best nine” Instagram pictures, quotes that compile the lessons we learned from the year’s experiences, and so on. But it often takes a lot of guts to actually sit down and reflect about what worked and what didn’t: the actions that either helped us move forward or sunk us to the ground, the thoughts that influenced our outlook on life, the relationships we maintained, and the toxic circumstances we kept coming back to. As 2018 came to an end, I pictured all of the important moments I lived throughout it as different boxes stacked inside a basement, boxes I would examine as if performing an inventory. Some of these boxes I’ve decided to keep, and some I’m throwing out for good.

Now, it’s important to begin this inventory with an objective perspective. Frequently, we tend to get hooked on a few bad situations we experienced, which causes us to forget the amazing moments we lived as well. This mishap can come in many forms: the loss of a job, a break-up, a heartbreak, or stronger calamities like an illness or the loss of a loved one. These are all painful and hard to recover from (at different levels of course) but unless your life mirrors the life of the characters from A Series of Unfortunate events (in which case I offer my condolences), I’m certain that with every downfall, an unexpected door opened, and while one part of your life experienced lows, another was as high as it’s ever been.

Just before New Year’s eve, my best friend texted me expressing how she couldn’t wait for the new year to begin. “It’s been a long and hard year,” she said to me. And although I can’t say I disagree, I had an urge to remind her of all the amazing things she got to know, as well as the crazy experiences we shared together. We have a freaky connection her and I, besides from having the same name, we tend to pursue similar romantic endeavors (if we can even call them that), we have analogous social circles at home, and if that seems irrelevant, let me tell you about the note I left for her at a random place in Florence and how she effortlessly found it during her stay a month and a half after mine. Call us cheesy, but we actually believe fate brought us together. “Sure, our love life was shit” I said to her, “but think about everything we accomplished this year, and all the places we’ve been to.” Such moments are priceless, and no one can take them away from you.

On the more somber side of the year, it’s natural and even healthy to also address the things that hurt us: people we idealized and ended up disappointing us, friends who turned their back on us, relatives we’ve grown apart from, and personal or professional projects that didn’t take off.

Some of these boxes we might feel the need to toss into the trash bin, but others might actually be good to hold on to, and open up again later. Maybe it’s not that someone intended to hurt or disappoint you, maybe you just expected too much from them, and they weren’t able to meet those expectations. Maybe you still want them to be a part of your life because you enjoy their company, and they contribute to your happiness (in small or big amounts). And that’s ok. Humans are complicated, none of us is perfect, and socialization is not a utopian process. Conversely, we might have to acknowledge the silver lining of a friendship and/or romantic break-up: maybe they’ve changed too much, or maybe you actually never knew this person well, and they’ve caused you more pain than they’ve caused you joy. Many things in life are complicated enough to maintain relationships that don’t fulfill us. Drop them, say goodbye. And as for projects, relax, no masterpiece was ever crafted on the first draft. Try again, frame your idea differently, and see what happens.

Weighing what made us happy with what made us sad can be a conflicting process, and the way that works for me is always through humor. I always think to myself that as long as I’m able to laugh at my pain or the random stuff that happens to me, it means that I’m ok (and if not well let me be because I’m sticking to it). My dad and my uncle are obsessed with Seinfeld and I’m always reminded of a phrase Jerry says “One day you’re up, but the next you’re down, so it all evens out." Life really is like that, full of highs and lows, and if I’ve learned anything from 2018, that is to embrace the plot-twists.

Before the year ends, my mom and I keep a tradition whereby we write down two pieces of paper: one with all the things we consider toxic from that year and hence want to leave behind, and one with the things we want to continue doing and new goals set for the coming 365 days. The first "toxic" piece of paper we burn to ashes with a candle, and the second we keep for ourselves. As we watched the papers burn, the flames increased intensely with the introduction of my "toxic" paper. My mom’s eyes widened as she exclaimed “Whoa you’ve had some heavy emotions this year.” I laughed and nodded. Call it Latin superstition, a ridiculous ritual or what have you, but I think of those bursting flames as mirroring my determination for change.

Change is the only constant in life, and whether these changes are big or small for you, they all help you move on, they make you grow, and they free up space in your basement for bigger and better things. So don’t be afraid to begin your inventory, and do so mindfully. May this year bring more ups than downs.

Happy 2019!