If Your Mind Tells You to Give Up…

I do my best to do yoga every morning for at least 20 minutes. I typically use the Daily Yoga app. I find that the programs they design work for me.

But this post is not about yoga.

This morning, I was struggling to keep my Extended Side Angle pose in line, when the gentle voice that guides every workout said: “If your mind tells you to give up, take a deeper breath and relax.”

Hmmm…

I don’t know if it was because my hamstrings were on fire… or because I was trying to keep my body “on a single plane.” But those words, which show up on that app almost 80% of the time, finally clicked.

“If your mind tells you to give up, take a deeper breath, and relax.”

Here’s the thing: it is true. Our minds do tell us to give up.

Whenever stuff gets too hard. Whenever we are scared. Whenever it looks like we are not going to make it. Whenever we feel things are just “too unfair.”

“Give up. Give up. Give up.”

The mind can be a bitch.

Worst of all, sometimes, we do listen to it.

We give up.

And when we do that, then we don’t learn what’s on the other side of that fear and anger. And we will always wonder.

That’s when the second part comes up: “…take a deeper breath and relax.”

Pfff…as if it were that easy.

What I realized this morning is that it’s not just about breathing. I mean, yes, getting extra oxygen into your lungs will help you think clearly. But, above all, breathing will help you pause. It will make you stop for a moment. And that pause will help you control your reaction.

Think about an ordinary day. You are on your way to work, driving on a busy highway. You are not late…as long as nothing goes wrong.

Guess what? Something goes wrong. Someone cuts you off.

What do you do?

Most people yell, curse the other driver. They give them a piece of their mind. The fun part? The other driver most likely doesn’t even care. Heck, he’s probably already gone while you are still fuming. He’s not thinking of you anymore, and yet, at this very moment, he owns you. All of your thoughts are about him and the terrible thing he did to you.

Let’s try that scenario again.

Someone cuts you off.

You breathe.

You pause.

I’m not saying that you don’t react. But you take a moment to breathe. You watch as the other driver goes away, maybe shake your head, and then you move on with your life.

I know, I know. It sounds hard…because it is.

We are so used to reacting to whatever comes our way: notifications, ads, email, messages, people saying and doing mean things to us…

This makes me wonder: when do we get to really be “us?” The actual us. How can we have time and space to be ourselves when we are so busy all the time reacting to what the world throws at us?

So we need to train ourselves into mastering our own brains. We need to learn to pause. To breathe, even though our mind is telling us to give up control.

Pause. Breathe. Relax.

Don’t give up on yourself.

Train every day on this, until it becomes a habit, until you get used to mastering your focus even though the world keeps trying to derail you. Here’s the thing: the world is not doing anything to you. The world just is. There’s no conspiracy against you.

That driver that cut you off?

He was on his way to the hospital. His wife just went into labor. Hopefully, he will make it there safely.

Or maybe he has a big presentation today, one that will give him the promotion he has been hoping for a long time. He’s kind of distracted right now.

Or maybe he is just a jerk.

Who knows?

But, whatever the case might be, you cannot control what the rest of the world is doing. You can only control your own reaction.

So…

Pause. Breathe. Relax.

When you face something that obsesses you: Pause. Breathe. Relax. Then ask yourself: “Why am I so angry about this? What can I do? How do I do it?” And then proceed.

When you feel like losing all hope about reaching your goals: Pause. Breathe. Relax. “I’m still in the game. If it turns out that I don’t hit the mark this time, then I will have learned more than enough to do better next time”.

Basically, work with the only thing you can really control: your reaction. You don’t have to always listen to the voice that tells you to give up.