I Let Go of Everything to Find Myself

by Shaheen

🌆 When Everything Looks Right, But Feels Wrong

From the outside, my life looked great.

I had a stable job with a good paycheck, a nice apartment in the city, brunch dates with friends on the weekends, and just enough vacations to fill my Instagram with beach sunsets and fake smiles.

People told me I was doing well. That I had it all together. That I was “living the dream.”

But inside? I was empty.

Tired. Disconnected. Going through the motions.

I wasn’t just busy — I was numb. I kept running, but I wasn’t chasing anything real. Maybe I was just trying to outrun myself.

There was a quiet voice inside me — one I tried hard to silence — that kept whispering:

“Is this really it? Is this all life is?”

For years, I drowned that voice out with distractions: work, scrolling, fake smiles, pleasing people, trying to keep everything looking “okay.”

But one day… I couldn’t anymore.

🕯️ The Breaking Point Wasn’t Loud — It Was Quiet

There wasn’t some huge meltdown. No tragedy.

Just a morning like any other.

I woke up — and felt nothing.

No excitement. No motivation. Just a heaviness in my chest that I couldn’t shake.

I stared at the ceiling, wondering:

"How did I end up here, in a life that doesn’t even feel like mine?"

That weekend, I finally asked myself something I had avoided for years:

“If you could start over — from zero — what would you change?”

The answer hit me hard: Everything.

✂️ The Scariest Thing I Ever Did — Letting Go

Over the next few weeks, I did what once felt impossible.

I quit my job — the one I had spent five years building a name in.

I ended the lease on my apartment.

I sold or gave away nearly everything I owned.

I even deleted social media accounts and unfollowed people whose lives I was silently comparing mine to.

I let go of relationships that drained me. Friendships that felt forced. People I cared about who didn’t care back.

Every decision terrified me. But with every goodbye, I felt a little lighter.

For the first time, I wasn’t running away.

I was finally walking toward something — even if I didn’t know exactly what it was yet.

🌊 What I Found in the Quiet

I moved to a small coastal town I had once passed through on a road trip — the kind of place with no malls, no noise, no pressure to perform.

I rented a tiny cottage with no TV, no Wi-Fi, just books, sunlight, and the sound of the ocean.

At first, the silence was loud. Uncomfortable.

I missed the chaos I was used to, even though it had been suffocating me.

But in that quiet, I started to hear myself again.

I wrote in a journal every day.

I picked up old hobbies I had abandoned — like painting, music, long walks.

I read books that stirred something deep in me.

I cried — a lot. And slowly, I began to heal.

I didn’t have a five-year plan anymore.

Just a ten-minute morning meditation and the peace that comes with finally being present.

🌱 Redefining What “Success” Means

It took time, but I began to see things clearly.

Success isn’t a job title or a salary.

It’s not having the most followers or the prettiest feed.

It’s waking up and not dreading your day.

It’s being able to sit with yourself in silence and feel okay.

It’s knowing who you are when no one else is looking.

I now work remotely, doing creative projects that actually mean something to me.

I make less money — but I feel rich in ways I never imagined.

I’ve made new friends, slower friendships, deeper ones.

And most importantly, I finally feel like myself again.

💔 What Letting Go Taught Me

Here’s what I’ve learned:

Letting go isn’t failure. Sometimes, it’s the most courageous kind of self-love.

You don’t have to stay in places or with people that don’t help you grow.

Starting over is hard — but that’s where the real magic happens.

Real life begins the moment you stop pretending.

I let go of everything — not because I gave up on life.

But because I finally chose to live it.