How Resentment Affects Your Health and How to Forgive

“If we were to count the people individually for a small sin, it would not take long for us to reach them so we would not have anyone to live with. Because being friendly requires that you forgive. ”~ Robert Frost

Two things can come to mind when you think of forgiveness.

Many healers and gurus talk about their importance, including but not limited to Buddhist quotes.

And someone who thinks you will never forgive him.

Forgiveness has great religious or spiritual meaning.

In Buddhist teachings, resentment is likened to holding hot coals, because it ends up burning only you. In Hinduism, the Vedas associated resentment with the possession of a bag of memories and negative emotions, which led to anger and unresolved feelings affecting the present and the future. In Christianity, kindness is extended only to those who are willing to forgive others when there is a basis for doing so.

What may have come to your mind, strangely enough, is the state of your real brain when you are facing a conundrum of forgiveness.

Recently the scientific community began studying the effects of forgiveness on the perception of the senses.

Many studies have found a link between the daily practice of forgiveness and improved mental and physical health.

In addition to lowering blood pressure, heart rate, and overall pressure, the act of forgiveness has also been scientifically proven to improve sleep and reduce fatigue.

Often there is a coherent collection of topics from the scientific and religious community together. The results of these studies, along with many others, are in full harmony with what many religious leaders and theologians have concluded regarding forgiveness.

Psychologist Charlotte Witvliet conducted another such study, asking her patients to recall an old bitterness.

He found that when they did, they were not only affected emotionally but also physically. Their blood pressure and heart rate soared, leading to increased anxiety. Guessing about past betrayal was depressing, unpleasant and encouraging.

The only way out, says Dr. Frederic Luskin, founder of the Stanford Forgiveness Project, is pardoning.

Your brain has a fun gait called nucleus accumbens. Throughout your life, your happiness meter may go back and forth at a rate of one to ten - ten is very happy.

As you go about your daily routine (breakfast, work, social activities), nucleus accumbens send messages to the amygdala - the center of brain happiness - to encourage it when something interesting happens (e.g. a delicious meal) or to encourage it when something unpleasant happens (from action) minor minorities and minor disagreements lead to major conflicts and serious conflicts).

As human beings, we have two choices in how we choose to respond to negative interactions and experiences.

We can shed light on our grief with a fired boss or a roommate who has betrayed our trust or we have chosen to let go.

It is natural for us to light up. That’s what comes easily to us. What we don’t realize is that when we choose to light up, just a word or any sign of guilt can cause a reaction in our nervous system. The amygdala opens in 27 seconds, releasing cortisol, a stress hormone. The same reaction you would have if you had been chased by a wild animal.

Those hormones remain in your system for a few hours, until they are produced by the body. Frequent use of these painkillers lowers serotonin levels and can also cause depression.

On the other hand, letting go of emotion, or forgiveness, diminishes the power of the situation and releases dopamine into the brain.

For a while, I was one of the few who could not make a positive impact by forgiving.

Despite my best efforts, I was never able to let go of the betrayal of my close friend and roommate who had caused so much havoc in my life with slanderous rumors, lies, and homosexual comments.

When I faced the past, I did what Dr. Luskin described as a “pardon of decisions.” I deliberately forgave my sinner without taking away the feeling that was attached to the event.

For many years, I told myself that I would give up those memories, but I never did. This led to a temporary reduction in hostilities. It was only later that I realized that I was living my life the way I did in the past, actually filling in for the events of my betrayal.

If left unchecked, those common memories of betrayal / pain of the past can make this event part of our personality.

Instead, Dr. Luskin's suggestion is that he "forgive her emotionally." This may require letting go of resentment, letting go of resentment and giving up the past.

In many cases, emotional forgiveness is the only way to bring about lasting change in one's life and mental health.

Emotional forgiveness, for many, is effective, especially because of the insatiable desire to hold the wrongdoer accountable for his actions. We are anxious to seek revenge, or justice, to misunderstand that the only thing that brings us peace.

Forgiveness keeps the record that the person "fled from the crime."

The real crime, however, is that anger lasts for you, for months or years, growing in your mind. Proverbs poison you drink and expect the offender to die.

Assessing your damage and letting go of resentment has nothing to do with the offender, so you do not need to make amends. True forgiveness does not require two people. It only requires that you pay attention to your sinner, for power goes where the attention is paid.

Emotional forgiveness requires three steps.