How I Stopped Dismissing Praise

"I've met people who are shocked and indifferent, but if you know them, you find that they are weak - that character or standing because they angrily step on the floor." ~ Matthew Macfadyen

It was impossible for me to miss the opposite hand gesture and the look on his face in response to what I was saying.

"You have shown compassion," I said honestly to my doctor.

"And what if I blow or ignore that compliment?" he contradicted himself. Then, as usual, he waited.

"Ah, that sounds awful," I coughed as the lights of insight began to shine. I was unaware of the unpleasant feeling that spread to my chest and abdomen. I felt that I was really hurting someone's feelings.

That experience hangs in the air for a while, giving more time to press the limits of awareness.

Did I not know much and was quick to ignore compliments? Was that a horrible feeling that others experience when I disagree or unwittingly reject what they offer in the form of a word of commendation or kindness? Is that what it would be like to be at the end of a deportation?

Leaving that moment behind, I began to have the usual impression of thinking about everything that had happened and the response I had received. Growing up with little motivation, I was beginning to realize that it was taking too much time for me to see that the praise of others was real. I was often skeptical and often overlooked.

I was unaware that compliments could be taken seriously and were not always fulfilled with hidden intentions and negative motives. I never thought a compliment was given just for the sake of admiration. Something great was recognized - something great was received. Time.

So where does such a suspicious environment come from?

As a child, I did not easily take for granted the honor that came with the well-spoken piece of praise, as it was often a double-edged sword for me. I was receiving commendation from my mother, but it soon became a way for her to talk about how good she was and how the good parts of her mine had deceived her.

I remember an experience when I felt good about communicating with student leaders. I began to share my sense of pride with my mother and made a few sentences before she interrupted. The title shifted to the way he worked with his students and influenced them. Message I posted inside: sharing does not mean you will get confirmation or recommendations for what you share.

After I did well in my studies, my dad fired my master's degree for "Mickey Mouse's Trash." He rarely acknowledges what happened beyond saying, “Hmmmmm” or “O.” The message I put inside: sharing does not mean there is any understanding or appreciation of what you are sharing.

Aside from the many experiences that provide encouragement, acceptance, or recognition, I have no background that I can deal with and recommend. My strength and abilities were unknown, and I had not learned to appreciate them. I used to distrust my integrity and downplay the good stuff.

With the help of an accredited doctor, I embarked on a journey of learning to trust what I was being given rather than giving up. With the provision of a weak understanding, I was able to adjust my automatic deviation button and understand that others were sincerely seeing and strengthening my strength when praising.

Here are a few ways in which I can improve as a parent.

1. Focus on the good.

I began to see whatever was good around me, challenged myself to see and focused on the good rather than taking our natural tendency for indifference (the tendency to focus too much on the bad, even if the good is better than the bad).