Happiness

What is happiness and what does happiness mean? Well I think for everyone that looks different, my idea of happiness is different to yours but what happens when your idea of happiness suddenly changes? For instance I finally have a full time job working for the government, super stable it's good money, the work is good, the team is good. I'm in a better place financially now then I ever have been. I am about to graduate from university. In theory I should be happy, I have no reason not to be happy.

I've just been approved for a loan to get my dream car that I've been wanting for a very long time but suddenly none of this appeals to me, it's like materialistic things no longer matter, what I thought I wanted perhaps I no longer want. It is a scary, weird feeling that is hard to describe.

So what now? Where do I go from here? Is it that I'm working full time now and my creative side is being suppressed? Is that the issue? Am I looking for a more creative outlet to balance my life? I feel like I feel like my desires have changed very suddenly and now I'm in this Limbo period where nothing feels right, nothing excites me. Trying to workout where and what to do next.

Do I need to continue to explore my creativity? Do I even buy the car that I thought that I wanted for so long? I mean I have the money now I can spend it on whatever I want, I suppose? I don't need a car, my current car is actually working alright and the whole car thing was because my car was playing up so I was going to replace it but now it seems to of fixed itself and it's working fine, so I don't really need a new car . I mean what do I do with the money? do I still buy a car anyway? Do I sell the car I have and then get something else? Will a materialistic purchase make me feel any different? If I spend $1000? How about $10000? $20000? Will it help?

A month ago it's all I could think about, now I have the means to do it and I am more excited about toast. Is it all about the chase? Or have I been chasing the wrong things all along?

how do you relearn your desires? What brings this on? Why such a sudden change. I recently watched the documentary on Biggie Smalls called; I have a Story to tell. That got me thinking it's been 23 years since he died and he's still so influential. He made such a difference in the world. I know that I personally listen to his music everyday without fail. I mean he just had such a big impact on the area and people around him and in the music industry that even 23 years later his music's listen to by thousands and thousands of people.

Obviously he doesn't know anything about what has happened since he left the earth, of course he doesn't. I think that's getting to me a little bit at the moment trying to make a difference that lasts. Something bigger. This is the same for many, many others that have come and gone. To build such a long lasting legacy, I think that's what I desire.

I guess I just don't know what to do next, now that I'm working full time I have less time for things that I want to do. I guess that's having an impact on me and I need to find that balance to still have my creative flair and work on my creative side of things. That's what I'd like to do, I guess I just need to find the correct way to continue doing that be it photography and videography or writing.

I NEED TO BUILD A LEGACY. What are your desires? Have they suddenly changed on you? How did you cope?